Ex husband asking me to turn on read receipts

[Souvlaki]

We are separated almost 3 years. Divorce hanging in balance started but not signed off due to lots of upsetting complications. I have basically frozen due to stress of not seeing a way out. Tonight he texted asking me to turn on read receipts fir texts. I need to ignore him when I choose because we have two kids with ASD and when he wants to communicate I am often on my knees witn exhaustion and don’t want to text him about our divorce. I find it really hard to say no to him without fearing backlash. Everything is tot for tat with him. Please don’t attack me about not completing my divorce I am trying to protect my very vulnerable children snd am utterly petrified by the stress of the situation. Any advice on how to say no without creating anger would be greatly appreciated.

You sound like this is not just about the messages for you. If he doesn't have a valid reason why, can't see what it would be, then just say I don't see the need to. And never use WhatsApp with him as that does show its been received/read. You need some boundaries regarding his messages. As others have said kids by email and anything divorce by solicitors or email. Set up a separate one for him. About the house he is obviously jealous that you have provided for the kids. I would suggest he has moved where he did on purpose knowing it wouldn't be right for the boys and then there being a need to come to the house. With lockdown this is obviously tricky as you can't tell him to not come to the house and to take them out somewhere. Could he not take them to a relatives house when it is his time? You do eventually need boundaries about your house and some sort of resolve so he doesn't ever need to come in. But in the meantime you are within your rights to say to him to behave else you won't allow him back.

I'd say you will be seeking advice about that from your solicitor as you will not put yourself in the position of having to constantly justify where you are, what you are doing or what you are prioritising over him.

He's being really controlling there!

If you can find the balls just go for the Mumsnet classic reply of 'Sorry, that doesn't work for me'.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. He has no right to ask this of you. Ignore him, he is taking energy from you that you clearly don’t have to spare. You sound very tired and stressed. Do the kids have a social worker or special school support who you could talk to about getting some kind of respite care or extra help?

"No. I've got my hands full this end with our children/work and the stress of this whole situation. If it's important, I'll respond when I can."

If you have 2 kids on the spectrum, have you considered that your ex might be also - in terms of helping you to manage his behaviour for your benefit?

You arent responsible for him and no amount of control you cede to him will ever address his anxiety sufficiently to stop this harassment of you. The answer is "grey rock". He needs to get used to having less from and of you - that needs to be become his new routine.

He can't boss you about anymore. You can choose to ignore him and do things at your pace.

You need to arrange contact at contact centre. He’s an abusive, controlling fucker. You’re too exhausted to cope. He has set you up to feel like this.

You are not responsible for his anger. Ignore him.

He has NO SAY on anything you do.... stop giving him that power 🌺