I want some help trying to understand this situation..
For context I have been with DH for 10 years, married 5. 2 DC 3 DSC. We generally have a good marriage as in day to day things are fine. But for ages I've been finding myself wondering about life without him. This situation happened this morning and as I think about it this is starting to happen more and more and I'm getting fed up, I don't doubt I have my faults but I don't think his reactions are justified.
So a fiend was collecting something from me this morning, I left it on the side in the hallway. It was a fairly valuable item. She knocked on the door and I went to get it but it had gone. I looked around but couldn't find it. I went up DH in bed and asked if he'd seen it. He said he'd moved it incase anyone broke in. I asked where it was but he couldn't remember, I left and said just don't touch things.
He came stomping down, found the item and I gave it to my friend, she left. I went into the living room and he started shouting, swearing and name calling. I said do not speak to me like that in front of my children (they're 2 and 3m). He said they don't understand I said I don't care do not shout and swear at me in front of them and I walked out the room.
He went upstairs got changed came down made himself a coffee in the meantime I returned to the children in the lounge. He came back and said sorry for speaking to you like that but you spoke to me like a child telling me not to touch things so now you need to apologise to me. I said whatever I said or however you took it does not justify how you spoke to me in front of the children. He said if I hadn't of woken him making demands then he wouldn't of got angry. I said if you hadn't of moved the item you know my friend was coming to collect this morning then I wouldn't of had to wake you.
I KNOW that what he said is unacceptable and is no way a justified reaction to my comment and the fact it was in front of the kids makes it 10 times worse. But was I also out of order for saying don't touch things? Whenever he gets angry it's always a reaction to something I've done and I do reflect and see what I've done but refuse to accept it justifies the response.
Another example was unpacking the shopping a few weeks back, he dropped the eggs and smashed them on the floor, I said well done snappily, he retaliated with screaming and shouting. He again apologised but then demanded one from me.
Should I still apologise for being snappy when he reacts to it in that way. If he didn't react the way he did I'd probably apologise for what I've said but even if I'm in the wrong in the first place, I refuse point blank to apologise for snapping when he reacts off the scale like that because I feel he looses all moral high ground when he screams and shouts at me. He thinks we're as bad as each other, but I don't. I don't think being snappy and screaming and shouting are on par at all. If he's snappy I generally just ignore it and let it go.
Just looking for some perspective, I have some thinking to do. It isn't the first time he spoken to me like that in front of our child. It genuinely is just small moments every now and again but I don't ever want my child to see that. He should never have to hear it. And I think twice is too many times.