Feel like my life is over

[Givemeabreak88]

I feel like my life is over, I have no friends just acquaintances, I have very little family, I have no partner, I have been single for 4 years. I no social life at all, I spend every day with my children and I never get a break. I just feel like my life is over, I’ve put on a massive amount of weight because I comfort eat mainly boredom. I don’t see myself ever being able to meet anyone as I’m with my children every day (their dad doesn’t have them) how can I get out of this hole and stop thinking this way. I’m only 32 but have nothing to look forward to. I don’t see the point in living anymore I only live for my children.

How old are your children? They get more independent of you eventually, but this year must be extra tough. Do you take them out for walks regularly? You need to keep the boredom away, being more active outside with the kids could help break a cycle, it also helps the mind to be out in nature. When children are young, parents form friendships and connect through playgroups - not helpful this year I know, but you day you e been single for 4 years. Is it just this year the downward spiral, or were you already struggling before covid times?
Somehow you perhaps need to break your current routines and form healthy active cycles. Even just walking outside, you can end up talking to people, albeit at a social distance. Isolation is your enemy.

Hi
I’m sorry you are in this situation, IMO COVID is magnifying everything in our personal relationships. I feel quite alone a lot of the time too and I have to keep reminding myself this is temporary, most of the time I’m busy with my real life not this COVID imposed dome.
32 is very young & you have loads of time to change this situation, your kids will get that bit older and you’ll have more time to pursue your own interests and build relationships. I hope things improve for you very soon.

I have 4 children oldest is 9 youngest is 3 they never want to go out I have to practically beg the older ones to come shopping, they would never want to go for a walk, they don’t want to leave the tv or iPads. I just see
No purpose to living like this, I’m bored out of my brain. The only person I really talk to is my mum and even then we are not close at all. I just can’t see my life past this time. I’ve gained so much weight I’m embarrassed when I go out anyway I feel like people are looking at me, I binge eat a lot so I am pretty big now (size 20) wouldn’t dare weigh myself.

This is not a normal time...Covid is making things even worse. Do you get the little ones out for a walk?

We stay in most days. They don’t like going out. We only go shopping if we must (difficult to get slots around here for delivery sometimes)

Take the electronics away, maybe? My children absolutely hate walking but mid walk, they're loving life. Join some mum groups? Possibly make some friends? I don't mean that in a passive aggressive way, I know its easier said than done. You're not alone, you've got this!

Threaten them with a screen ban if they don't go out for a short walk once a day. Remember you're the parent so start parenting.

You could give yourself a goal. A weight loss goal, maybe? How come your kids' dad doesn't have them ever?

@Givemeabreak88 itll get better, they will get older,they will become more self sufficient, you'll get more opportunities when they are all at school again to rediscover yourself,put yourself out there with dating,doing some exercise getting your weight down.all these things are doable.life will get better,its just a shit time,you arent alone in feeling like this.you are your kids everything,hug them tight love them hard,they will never forget it and always be there for you.build your own little circle starting with your lovely kids,best wishesxxx

You have so much to live for, you honestly really do! You are your children’s rock, they need you more than they know. Ok so you see you don’t have a rock, that must be difficult. How about you use tv and iPads as a reward. They’re unavailable the majority of the time, appearing when the requests you make of the children are carried out. You could use them as such to instigate walks, get them and you out walking, once home they get time on a screen of their choice. The walking will hopefully get you out and about as well and reduce snacking time, fresh air and exercise, as well as benefiting you all. Yes they will moan initially, but new habits take time to become habits, push on, I hope you will find that getting out of the house has multiple positives. Meeting someone I suggest may not be everything you are hoping for!

If my 6yr old had his way, he would watch tv all day and not play outside. But I don't let him, I switch off the tv and put the remotes and laptops away. I tell him it's time to play outside whether you like it or not. I play outside with them, today we took a 45min walk, he didn't even want to go but it's for their own good too. Being a single parent, since everything is on you, try and be tough, don't let the kids decide everything. 32 is very young, I am 34, even that's younger. With the new year starting, set goals for all of you, say 20min walk for everyone, they will resist since it's new but they will get used to it if you stick with it. You are definitely doing a great job raising 4 kids on your own, you should be proud of that.

Where are you based? Maybe you could make friends with other people here in your area. You sound like you need support. Have you looked at online support groups. Online exercise/yoga. I do a class everyday. Online book group?

Yes, what PP said! There is an app and Insta account called frolo_app . It is a community of single parents, who are all having the same struggles. They have helped me through some dark times. They do Zoom chats, picnics, chats, dating and all sorts of important things that can help when you are feeling low and useless.

:)

We cant underestimate how tough lockdown has been on everyones mental health.

I think you do need to make them go out though i appreciate its tough with 4. What about going as its getting dark to see xmas lights/ what about making it fun with some kind of competition? Who can spot a cat first? My DS13 never wants to go on a walk but i make him and hes quite happy once out. If he had his way he’d be watching youtube/on xbox all day. The air will help tire them too!

You should also find some groups- there must be loads of single mums feeling the same as you so try and connect and you’ll feel better. Maybe start a diet in new year michael mosleys blood sugar diet is great - easy recipes for whole family and you’ll loose weight with v little effort and feel good. See 2021 as YOUR year! You are only 32 you are so young - the children wont always be. What do you do when children at school/nursery?

Do you have any interests? I enjoy reading and have joined an online book club and made some new friends there.

You are going to be ok. 2021 is the year you get your shit together. I'm a single mum of 4 and although 3 of them are legally adults, I spend most of my time doing shit for them. I have a 13 year old and dd has additional needs. Until the beginning of December I was a 18/20. I kid you not, yesterday I put on a size 16 pair of jeans!!!!!! That is exactly 2 weeks after starting exercise and healthy eating. My advice? Maintain a calorie deficit through eating better and exercise as much as you can with little ones. Stop sugar and salt. Drink water and watch inspirational weight loss vids on YouTube. Buy some makeup and practice taking selfie's. Watch how your body and face changes and it will. This will grow your confidence and you will find opportunities. Use this lockdown period to work on yourself. Then please do an update thread in May showing us how amazing you look and feel

OP, I hear you. It's really tough when you have 100 per cent custody and never get a break. I almost went nuts in my first year as a LP. But you will turn this around. You are the mum; you are the boss.

First thing first, and that is your health and that of your kids. Does your local school leave the playground open on weekends? Ours does and kids use it to learn to cycle or skate, or just practise shooting hoops. Your little ones might enjoy it as it's a chance to pretend they're in big school. Can you take your 9yo aside for a quiet chat? If your eldest can encourage the littlies to get out and get healthy, it's a good start. Bloody iPads, they're such a time suck, but when I get my DD away from hers and out for a walk she's usually in a good mood after 10 minutes or so.

@calamityjam Great advice. And well done on your weight loss and healthy new bod!

Sorry OP, just realised you might have covid restrictions in your area and can't venture into playgrounds or school yards. But do try for your 10,000 steps a day. It really does make a difference to mood and energy.