He's such a fucking cliche

[Annabellerina]

Just found out today that XH has got a girlfriend with 2 kids. He goes out of his way to avoid our 2 kids, doesn't have regular contact out of choice. Our kids just spent 2 nights with him, turns out they all went to the girlfriend's. Her daughter and our daughter made friends. A neighbour asked which was their favourite bit of Christmas, they replied "daddy's".

It really fucking stings. I do all the hard graft, I don't have time to date, I get all the shitty behaviour but their favourite time is there and they've made new friends and are excited. I want to cry.

Don't think he has moved on and you haven't, you have moved on - maybe not in a relationship - but nonetheless you will have made huge strides and lost a useless lump along the way! It does sting but as others have said they will in time come to realise. Mine see their dad as their other parent but they don't particularly call him (they are now young adults), they feel he doesn't know them and they've seen through his Disney approach - he used to buy them stuff all the time. I know it sounds quite old fashioned but take lots of photos of time together with your kids and put them in albums, they can look back and see how much you were together and how absent their father was. I wouldn't let him dictate when they go, the new year is imminent send him (somehow) a list of when they are available over the next couple of months (don't put every weekend but maybe every other and half of half term) and say he needs to decide which of those suit him. Good luck, it sounds like you are doing a sterling job and your kids sound very balanced which is down to you!!

My ex only really sees the kids when he has a girlfriend or family to watch them the last time the kids came back saying they had a great time at his girlfriend house I said that was great maybe she can give him some tips its really sad to me that my then ten year old laughed because he knows exactly what his dad is like

But OP you had a boyfriend? An amazing one by the sounds of it?! (I posted on your previous thread)

Handholding - I know this stings :(

@Anyoldname12

I've spent the last 3 years asking/telling/pleading/screaming at him to take the kids every other weekend. The more I ask the quicker he disappears. Can you not go through the courts so he has set days every week / weekend so you can have some time to yourself?

Thankfully courts don’t operate like this

Can you imagine a system that forces a crap disinterested parent to have their child regularly?

@Annabellerina

Thank you all I needed to hear those things.

Yes I am the boring every day drudge with boundaries, rules, bedtimes, sugar and screen limits, vegetables, homework and teeth brushing. He sees them for a few hours or a night every 6ish weeks. Yet they adore him.

I am of course happy that they were happy and especially that my daughter made friends with her daughter. And I will take the credit for bringing up a girl who can get on with anyone, anywhere.

I hope I can help, I went through the same. My dd is 19 and while she loves her Dad, she now is completely aware of what a flaky parent he was and how it was me that did all of the actual parenting. We have a wonderful relationship and she has said recently that if she ever got married she'd have me walking her down the aisle. I must admit I did a little internal happy dance at that! It's hard op but keep doing what you're doing, being the responsible, 'sensible' parent may feel joyless at times but you're the one that is giving them all the love and security they need

I would also be concerned that he's mixing my children when he's not supposed to .

It must be so upsetting g for you and feels unfair, because it is unfair. However your children are happy and that is ultimately the most important thing.

Perfectly normal. When they grow up that’s when they will know.

@Stonecrop

They take you for granted because they have total trust that you will always be there for them. Well done op you are their rock. When they are older they will come to their own conclusions about their dad and he won’t measure up to you one bit xx

So well said @Stonecrop. OP you sound like a great mumma 💐

Can you go to court and get a court order for contact? He should be having his own kids over and above somebody else’s! What a selfish arse. He gets to play hero

I'm a teacher if teenagers and when ever I talk to them about their parents they always know which parent has been there for them and which one has been absent and crappy , always ,
So just crack on being the ace parent you are and your kids will at the end of the day know will thank you fir it
V irritating all the same right now

@sup1979 I did! We broke up partly because I had such little time and wasn't ready to introduce him properly to my kids!

My son is 40 OP, his "father" has done nothing whatsoever for him his whole life, was absent and paid no maintenance, was also abusive to both of us before I left him taking my son with me. Never gets anything for him for birthday or christmas, doesn't help him out in any way, shape or form so it still grates when my son tells me he went to see his "dad" last weekend.
I really have to bite my tongue.

When they are older they will come to their own conclusions about their dad and he won’t measure up to you one bit xx

💯 % this

• Never gets anything for him for birthday or christmas, doesn't help him out in any way, shape or form so it still grates when my son tells me he went to see his "dad" last weekend. I really have to bite my tongue.*

He’ll know, deep down, who raised him and made him the man he is...