New relationship? Confused already...please help

[chowebella]

I've been back in contact with a guy I used to date casually when we were kids. We get on, we have fun and last week he asked me if I wanted to see where this could go. I said yes and we spent the next few days texting for hours, saw each other a few times, he was calling me his girlfriend and even joked that he was probably going to fall in love with me. Then all of a sudden he's gone quiet! Hardly texts at all. I know it's been Xmas and he's spent time with his kids but surely a quick text here and there wouldn't take too much of his time?
I'm so confused! Do I leave it a few days see how it goes or do I bring it up? I don't want to seem pushy and possibly ruin this before it's really started but I feel in limbo at the moment

No don't bring it up, the slightest hint of desperation will make him back off.
Just play it cool, its a new relationship and as you say he's probably had a busy few days with Xmas. Just wait till he texts you, they always do!!
At this early stage you could come across as needy if you were to ask why hes been quiet.

I wouldn’t text either, I also couldn’t be bothered playing his games! It takes two seconds to send a text.

I'd say...

Take note of this behaviour. Because it's not good. In four days, he's already got you taken aback.

Just take note because its noteworthy.

I dont think it's necessarily game playing, sometimes I'm big on texting and others I'm busy and I don't bother with my phone especially when I'm busy with my kids.

Just remember men, at the start, are on their best behaviour to charm you and try and show how great they are.....so if this is him at his best and his best behaviour then good luck

He's mentioned being his girlfriend and falling in love already? Now he's gone quiet? Something is not right!

When did you shag him? Just because he cooled off?

Just for balance, when my OH had his kids when we started dating, he made sure his attention was 100% on them, and I barely heard from him bar when they were in bed. I personally think that's a sign of a good father. Many years on, and the kids and I have a fantastic relationship and we are really close as they didn't feel like they were competing for attention.
It could just be he's a really good dad

Don’t message him, not because it makes you seem needy. It because he doesn’t deserve it.
He sounds a bit unstable tbh to be saying I are his girlfriend and then ghosting u.
Not what I want at the start of a relationship or ever tbh.
I personally wouldn’t be seeing him again.

Am I missing the part where the op said she's shagged him?

Yes when was the shag?

Thanks for all your comments! I am confused about the shag comment? We have slept together many times over the years yes this is what prompted the relationship conversation between us. He asked if I'd ever considered there was more between us why we always sort of gravitated back to each other over the years and asked if I wanted to give a proper relationship a try.
He is a great father and he dotes on his kids, which is amazing I would not expect that to change ever. But a quick text whilst they are in bed just to say how are you isn't too much of an ask I don't think?
I will give it a few days see how things progress but I don't have much faith at the moment if I'm honest 😟

Wot everyone said about not contacting him and making your own note of the behaviour because ... when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

It might be something, it might be nothing. At this stage just notice. And don't chase him

Also, do not start making excuses for him in your head. Good luck.

I would give it more time. Nothing is more off putting than looking needy. Presumably if he has children, they will be his priority right now.

You've said he's "hardly" text at all... does that mean he has contacted you but it's been minimal or not at all?

I agree it doesn't take much effort to send a message but maybe he thinks it would descend into back and forth texting and he wants to focus on his kids during this time? I would assume positive intentions for the time being.

I agree with the previous post there, sometimes I don't text my bf every day because it's never just one quick text, it's got to go back and forth until we say goodnight so I'd rather just not talk at all that day

If you still haven't heard anything today, I'd message a breezy 'hello, how was your xmas?' type message. Messaging someone who is calling your their gf does NOT make you needy. Having a go at him for not replying soon enough, would put him on the defensive. But only an absolute emotional fuckwit would be turned off by you messaging to check in. I assume he communicates regularly and consistently in his job with his boss, and wouldn't just go AWOL - so no reason he can't do that in a relationship..

I agree that it is not a great sign if he can't message even just to check in, at the start of a new relationship. If he was the type who just didn't like texting, then that's understandable. Given that you said he was messaging loads back and forth previously, this is not his problem.

As a pp said, he might just be focusing on his kids, however, when he does finally message he should explain the radio silence - it's good manners and considerate. If as time goes on you aren't happy with his communication style, just let him know (not accusing or angry) what you expect from a partner. And a compromise can be made between both of you. If he still doesn't adapt, and you find yourself anxious and stressed out more often than not, you know he's not the right man for you.

How does it feel to be his 'girlfriend' and in 'a relationship' with him? Today. How does it feel? That's your clue here.