Would you mention anything to dh's sister?

[WakingUp55643]

Hi all,
I've posted many times about how I'm so unhappy in my marriage. If anyone recognises me you're bound to be saying 'here she goes again.'
So dh knows I'm unhappy, but seems content to carry on as we are 'for the kids'
And I'm too scared to make the move and tell him I can't do this anymore.
Anyway, I get on really well with his sister, and spoke to her on the phone last night. As far as she's concerned everything's rosy. I heard him telling her we'd had a lovely Christmas and been out for walks etc. (Yeah, once a year doesn't really count.) And it was like we are the perfect happy family. But I feel like a fraud having a nice conversation with her, I just want to shout out "I'm sorry but I don't love your brother any more." Would that be crazy? I had hoped he might confide in her and talk about our situation, but he hasn't mentioned a thing to any of his family. They have no idea how desperately unhappy I am. I guess I want to know how she thinks he would cope if we split up. Am I just over thinking? Probably.

I think you are better off talking more honestly with your DH. It seems he is not aware of the depth of your unhappiness and I think it would unfair for him to hear that from his sister.

As a rule I wouldn't suggest involving his family, you're putting them in an awkward position which isn't really fair.

You need to make up your mind one way or the other; his sister can't do it for you and most unfair to drag her into it.

It really depends on the relationship and if you can trust her not to go back to him. My SIL used to try and pretend everything was insta perfect (still does on SM), until one Christmas my brother was being an absolute twat to her, she went out to the kitchen and I went to get a drink and said to her, he's being an absolute arsehole to you, she tried to make excuses and I just said look I grew up with him I know how he can be sometimes, if you need to talk to me or come round for coffee or just have a moan, you can and I'm not running back to him with anything. She takes me up on it sometimes. When they went through a particularly rough patch DM even said to her whatever happens we're here for you and will support you and the boys (DC) , we're not going to take sides or get involved in what goes on in your relationship.
If your in-laws are like that you can probably talk to her.

Skip talking to her and speak to a divorce lawyer

Simply..no, blood is usually thicker than water as they say and you will gain nothing to boot

Many sympathies though as I am the same boat.H knows I am unhappy and no longer feel the same way, I sleep in the spare room, am seeing a counsellor etc etc..he just carries on, on autopilot, never mentions anything, never addresses anything.
I have accepted I will have to make the leap, tell him and do all the hard stuff as he never will, nor will yours, it is on you I'm afraid x

I don't think that is fair to either of them.

When you do split, he will need his family for support. If he finds out his sister has already been told the details, he will feel really betrayed.

Do you have support from your own family or friends?

Even if I were good friends with my Sil, I wouldn't want to hear her b*about my db. Talk to a friend or a relative from your side if you need to vent.

It's his sister totally unfair to put her in that situation.

Totally understand everyone saying no. I knew that was the answer. I just guess I want someone to tell me he'll be ok, if you see what I mean. He's been suffering with anxiety, and I don't want to make it worse, but I have to think of myself as well. Just feels like a difficult situation, and I suppose a lot of us are going through similar at the moment x