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Original poster

How long after you start seeing someone would you expect him to tell the ex?

18 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/12/2020 18:10

Ex that he shares children with and will kick off MASSIVELY when he says that he has moved on.

How long would you be happy to be treated and act like the OW even though you werent one?

There is no one else, they are not back together, this is a fact that does not need to be questioned. I know both the man and the ex well enough to know that. Although whether he may be allowing the ex to do the pick-me-dance is an unknown.....

Genuinely asking for a friend who isnt on MN!

OP posts:
Peace43 · 29/12/2020 18:16

My boyf hasn’t told his ex and we’ve been dating 18 months! They have been separated 6 years. His parents and friends that don’t know her know of me but I don’t go near him on social media. She was abusive and continues to abuse him if and when she can. Once his daughter reaches 18 in 2 years he’ll be able to tell her if he wants to. I’m ambivalent to be honest. I don’t want to be the object of her hatred

Blueuggboots · 29/12/2020 18:16

How long have they been split up publicly? I think that matters...

lilmishap · 29/12/2020 18:19

How long together and how long apart?

Twickerhun · 29/12/2020 18:20

I think debretts says you should take out an advert in the times announcing a relationship change after 6 weeks (for the benefit of the ex and village elders).

Or you could reset a relationship status on Facebook pretty instantaneously.

We only told DH’s ex when we get engaged after 10 months. but I wasn’t treated as an OW before then - we just didn’t announce it just let the relationship happen

lilmishap · 29/12/2020 18:28

@Twickerhun

I think debretts says you should take out an advert in the times announcing a relationship change after 6 weeks (for the benefit of the ex and village elders).

Or you could reset a relationship status on Facebook pretty instantaneously.

We only told DH’s ex when we get engaged after 10 months. but I wasn’t treated as an OW before then - we just didn’t announce it just let the relationship happen

Village elders tickled me! Grin

OP If you know both as well as you do maybe there is a reason to wait longer though?

lilmishap · 29/12/2020 18:30

Although whether he may be allowing the ex to do the pick-me-dance is an unknown

Kinda important if friend is so very certain that she knows the score

Sideorderofchips · 29/12/2020 18:41

Sounds like she probably was the other woman

KylieKoKo · 29/12/2020 19:00

I think that once you are thinking of meeting the children it's respectful to let the other parent know. Before then it's not really any of their business.

TwentyViginti · 29/12/2020 19:00

Never allow yourself to be treated as someone's dirty secret.

samyeagar · 29/12/2020 19:21

It never really even occurred to me that I needed to give my ex some sort of personal announcement that I was in a new relationship.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 29/12/2020 19:33

Him and ex seperated nearly 2 years. Him and new woman, together a year.

When I say about the dance, its because I know him better than her and I think (ok....guess) that he would rather let the ex think they may still get back together rather than have THAT conversation. Thats is what my friend is finally cottoning on to.

It really isnt me I am asking this for!

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 29/12/2020 19:36

I think debretts says you should take out an advert in the times announcing a relationship change after 6 weeks (for the benefit of the ex and village elders).

That is precisely why I will never start seeing anyone from the small village I am from! Anyway, I wouldnt need to take out an ad in the Time, just tell Ang at the paper shop (I wish I was joking...)

OP posts:
OneTwoTree1 · 29/12/2020 20:00

Some exs can make access to kids etc harder once they know of a new relationship. It may just be more convenient to him to be on amicable terms with the ex, even though its annoying to your friend. I very much doubt he will get back together with his ex, presumably there is a reason they split up, two years is a long time to be apart and then decide you made the wrong decision.

Sideorderofchips · 29/12/2020 20:31

When you say him and his ex separated had he moved out or still living there at the time he was with your friend

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 29/12/2020 20:53

@Sideorderofchips He had moved out, been gone 6 months. LT rental signed and paid for.

And YY to her threatening to stop him seeing the kids but she wont. She values her time "off" too much. Cant blame her for that, I look forward to my 4 days off a month!

OP posts:
VivaMiltonKeynes · 29/12/2020 21:01

With my now H it was 9 months after we met . He was just divorced when we met and they had waited the two years . His ex did start to play up then and be a bitch but has settled down now (depending on how much she has drunk )

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 01/01/2021 17:00

@VivaMiltonKeynes

There is a definite link between ex's attitude and the amount of booze she has had, which is one of the reasons he left her.

OP posts:
nosswith · 01/01/2021 17:11

I think it very much depends on whether or not you have children. You should know before they do. If no children, I don't see it as much of an issue.

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