I’ve been with my partner for nearly 8 years. Lived together for nearly 4 years and we have a 20 month old child. Since our child came along, our relationship isn’t great, we’ve been really struggling for a while and covid has just made it worse. We bicker constantly, never seem to agree on anything etc. I know children can be a huge stress and relationships change but it shouldn’t be this bad?
On previous arguments, my partner has admitted he’s unhappy and doesn’t feel towards me like he used to. It’s a hard pill to swallow but I’ve tried to make sense of everything. I agree with some stuff that he says about me and I’m doing my best to change but I feel that he’s totally unapproachable when it’s the other way around. He gets so angry with me over the smallest of things and there is just no reasoning with him whatsoever. We never fall out about anything that’s worth falling out about, it’s just all stupid stuff. I know the pressures of this year haven’t helped a lot of people/relationships and I do blame that for our issues. We parent quite differently too so that’s another thing we clash over.
He’s basically admitted that because he doesn’t feel how he did, he probably loses his temper quicker than he ever used to (he never had a bad temper before). I understand it all but how can I help to change it?
He’s spoken so frequently about us ending and then it doesn’t happen but things don’t seem to be resolved either. He can’t stand my mum and I don’t have the best relationship with her either. One moment he will tell me I’m right to argue with her about certain topics and then when it suits him, he uses it against me and tells me that I just love an argument, which I don’t. I just want us to be like before and be happy how we always were. I genuinely don’t know what else I can try.
Also, we’d been planning on another child next year and a house move (I don’t think this is stressing him out) but I don’t get how he can talk so openly about it all and what he wants us to do moving forward, then in the next breath tell me that he doesn’t love me like he used to. He talks to me so badly sometimes but when I pull him up on this, he tells me that I’m just ‘starting an argument’.
I would honestly love to sometimes record some of the things he says and how he acts but obviously that’s not going to go down well. I just really don’t know what to do anymore and I’m at my wits end trying to fix it. I still love him and want us to work.
Any suggestions would be very welcome xxx