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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Talk to me about.. Financial Control

47 replies

secrettwitcher · 29/12/2020 14:01

So here we are 29th of the month, delayed direct debits hit my account this morning totalling over £600 mostly household bills. I've used savings again to clear them because I refuse to ask my H for money. I have repeatedly asked that I'm 'paid' by the 21st each month so I can ensure all direct debits are paid on time.. we've had this discussion many times. I'm self employed billed through his company so my invoices get paid into his business. He then pays me that money and £300 extra to top up my money .. I have no access to the business accounts despite asking several times. I hit the roof in October about him failing to pay me on time! In the past I've have failed direct debits and it has affected my credit rating, I've been working hard behind the scenes to save a buffer because this keeps happening. Is this financial control? He's managed to pay others before Christmas and send money to his other children (rightly so) for Christmas.. but never thought to ask me if I needed money for presents etc.

OP posts:

ChampagneCommunist · 29/12/2020 15:21

He was struck off as a director? What for? It's not something that happens lightly

sararh · 29/12/2020 15:36

Jesus Christ OP, if you're down as director you're liable for that company, and if something isn't being done right, you're the one at risk. See a solicitor, now. About this, and a divorce.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/12/2020 15:51

@sararh

Jesus Christ OP, if you're down as director you're liable for that company, and if something isn't being done right, you're the one at risk. See a solicitor, now. About this, and a divorce.

This. You need to see a solicitor NOW. And I mean NOW.

He's been struck off which means he has not fulfilled legal / financial obligations before as a director. If he does that again, you will now be the one taking the fall. That's HUGE. And he gave you that obligation without your knowledge.

This is serious OP, much more serious than you seem to realise as you sound a little numb to this considering how serious it is. Which makes me think he's ground you down in a number of ways over the years.

Please, please, please see a solicitor but don't tell him you are doing so.

I can't stress how serious his actions re making you director are.

Original poster

secrettwitcher · 29/12/2020 17:16

I think I'm scared, I don't sleep well worrying about all this and know I need to speak to someone official and take that step.. and I will. A friend of a friend is a financial advisor/ accountant so I'll start there. I found out he was struck off when I got a knock at the door he was working away for over a year and I was home with two little ones ... apparently a voluntary bankruptcy. He'd already set up another company by this point (unbeknown to me).! Oh what a bloody mess. I'll get the fact - as I know them - written down and ask to speak to this person who can advise me.

OP posts:

AmberItsACertainty · 29/12/2020 17:34

[quote secrettwitcher]**@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett* thanks, your right. He has me down as a company director because he was struck off.. I knew nothing of this for some time but he's a cunning sht to say the least. God it's such a mess, I can't hide from this anymore. [/quote]
Oh no no no no. Now I see why you wanted access to the business accounts! He could be doing all kinds of dodgy stuff basically in your name that you're responsible for? That's how directorship works? I don't know enough to advise just enough to know your situation is bad news. He's dodgy that's why he's been struck off! Contact the accountant, you're director so request whatever info you need from them. Then either remove yourself as being director or tell him that as you're director it's your company so you say who can work there and you say a big fat no to a dodgy fucker like him! If that's not how it works get legal advice on how to extricate yourself. He's using you as some sort of a front for dodgy business or just as a cash cow, or both.

You haven't "let this happen" it's crept up on you because that's how abusive people work. Focus on the positive, you've seen the light at last, so now you're in a position to do something about it. 💐 for you. It's not easy realising your life partner, who you thought you loved and you thought loved you back, is an abusive waste of space. You'll get through this.

If you are going to split (can't see what else you can do) maybe you need legal advice on the directorship before you do anything else because of people trying to hide assets when they're splitting up. As a director you might have some power.

BlueThistles · 29/12/2020 17:34

Remove all the Direct Debits from your Bank Acct and put them onto his accounts... if he refuses ... fine.. but that's up to him.. but they will be off your account and not default against you. it's a start 🌺

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/12/2020 17:39

I wouldn't do anything until you've spoke to a financial adviser and a solicitor. This is all very serious legally and I believe if he signed you as director without your knowledge is a criminal rather than civil offence (they will be able to confirm that) so you need some advice on this ASAP, as in tomorrow.

The fact he has done something so serious, as I say I believe it's a criminal offence under fraud law, is a sign he's going to be incredibly difficult and selfish so keep your powder dry and hold off asking him anything / telling him to change anything until you've had legal and financial advice.

AmberItsACertainty · 29/12/2020 17:41

[quote redastherose]@secrettwitcher you seriously need to take legal advice. As a Director you are responsible for what is going on in the company. If he commits fraud you could end up in prison for it. [/quote]
Yes this OP, you're at real risk here, you need to see a solicitor who specialises in business law not your friend who is a financial advisor

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/12/2020 18:05

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Just to reiterate as another poster has pointed out and my wording was not clear enough in this post - speaking to a financial advisor is not enough - you MUST speak to a solicitor as soon as possible. As in tomorrow. This is very very serious.

Original poster

secrettwitcher · 29/12/2020 18:10

It's not a friend, I could never admit to a friend how stupid I've been! I do want out and have done for some time, I'm just intertwined with this mess which makes it all much worse. I've been hiding for too long, I'm actually at a point where whatever happens has to be better than this. I know he'll deny it all and totally gaslight me and try his hardest ensure I don't walk but I'm past that point. Thanks for all your advice, appreciated and taken on board.

OP posts:

topcat2014 · 29/12/2020 21:19

Does this company have any staff? If you are the only director then you are the employer.

If he was struck off as a director pound to a pinch of shit he won't be on top of any other obligations.

What does the company do?

Hopefully not construction or anything where safety is involved

LannieDuck · 29/12/2020 21:59

Why do you invoice via his company? Seems very weird - just invoice directly then you won't be beholden to him.

And yes - speak to a lawyer re what it means to be named as the director (without having signed anything). Did he tell you that you were, or have you confirmed it via Companies House?

violetbunny · 30/12/2020 07:28

Invoice him for his share of the childcare while you're at it

Seriously though OP, this is all ringing major alarm bells. If you are partners then why isn't he paying his share of the bills? Seems crazy that you are struggling to pay them on whatever you are being paid for your 10 hours a week. And you should absolutely have full visibility and access when it comes to family finances and anything relating to your role in the company. This all sounds highly controlling and basically indicates how he sees you - not as a partner but as his very lowest priority

The good news is you are now realising this so can take steps to free yourself from this awful man.

topcat2014 · 30/12/2020 08:04

If you type the company name into companies house you can see the directors details.

Isolatedizzy · 30/12/2020 09:43

There are 2 things going on here and it might help to separate it out in your mind.

the work you do and invoice him for
household finances

Isolatedizzy · 30/12/2020 10:01

Posted too soon, sorry.
So sitting down and working out as a family what comes in and what goes out and when.

Then addressing the business side of it but the whole thing is ridiculous and very controlling - it's the same money from the same place that should be paying for family expenses! There's no logical reason for this set up other than keeping you short of money!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/12/2020 10:33

https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/search/companies

Search on this site for the company and your own full name to see what you are a director of - fuck knows what else he has been up to.

When you search for the company and find it, you should be able to see filing statements which include financials. Companies are legally required to share confirmation statements and financials annually. It is an offence not to do so.

If he hasn't done these, has shared incorrect information or has not paid the tax due, and you are the company director, legal action and fines can be pursued against you. This would involve fines which can be huge.

He has put your financial security at risk in an unbelievable way as well as making you responsible legally - especially as you have discovered it and not changed it so in legal eyes (and to be honest non legal ones - though I understand he's manipulated you completely) should be aware of your responsibilities because as soon as you found out he'd done it you should have looked into it.

Do not rely on the info on the site, but have it to hand when you speak to a solicitor. Which needs to be ASAP.

Are you able to do that today? I honestly cannot stress how serious this is, especially as he sounds like the type to make decisions that are dodgy as fuck and try to avoid paying stuff in full.

It may be worth you starting a thread in the legal matters section too

MzHz · 30/12/2020 11:58

Oh love, what a realisation

Please don’t run from this, you need to get to the bottom of this, protect yourself and your kids.

One way or another you’ll be fine on the other side of this, but doing nothing isn’t an option

Original poster

secrettwitcher · 30/12/2020 12:39

I've had a zoom call with a solicitor this morning, she's given me some stuff to try and find out about (without letting on) and we are going to have another appointment Tuesday week after more information is gathered. Thanks all.

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/12/2020 12:57

@secrettwitcher

Well done, that's so brilliant you are looking into this now you know how serious it is. Really hope the solicitor can help get things moving ASAP when it comes to any ways to minimise the effects on you. Don't let on to him that you're looking into this, he will try to talk you round and could also put measures in place to try and lessen his involvement. Well done for starting the process now - don't lose momentum

BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 13:51

Great News OP.... you can do this.. stay strong and focused..

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 31/12/2020 10:53

That's great news!

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