Tis all a bit like groundhog day

[fabianthedelayer]

Hello, I don't know whether I'm making a mountain outa a molehill or what, but after a heated discussion my DH has just told me he hasn't been happy for the last 3-4 years. We have a DS aged 2 and the last 2 plus years have been quite hard due to various issues, miscarriage, childbirth, moving house, changing jobs etc. He feels that we haven't been intimate enough for the last few years, but to me that is for a good reason. The problem I have that is although we have been together for 20 years and married for 10, this happened about 12 years ago. He sort of fell in love with a friend of mine and us getting married sort of saved the day. I am just so scared of the situation happening again.
We have a lovely life and a beautiful child, but he seems to think I am cold and unloving.I feel I am far from that and am getting on with the day to day matter of raising a family. Maybe I have just answered my own question, but any views/comments would be welcome. Thanks, FTDx

It sounds to me that you need to spend more time together, just the two of you. Do you ever get chance to really talk and be yourselves (not just a Mum and Dad)?

Do you know what CB I think that we do. I have tried to do this in the past especially since we have have had DS, but he has wanted to spend all of his time with ds. Perhaps now is the time for us to do things on our own. Thanks very much for the reply, and now I will suggest a weekend in London without our baby! BTW we spend most evening together chatting, but I think we now need to be properly together.

I think that relationships go off the boil after the first 15 years. He is mad if he thinks that things stay as exciting as they once were, or that the grass is greener on the other side. I also think that men get over things quicker than women and expect us to do the same. I think that the strain of bringing up children can make us appear distant as we have so many things on our minds.

I find that even just going out for the evening together refreshes our relationship and reminds us why we married each other in the first place. Sometimes we seem to lose each other in the day-to-day of working and bringing up our children. Good luck to you. xx

Thanks so much for your replies. And I agreee that bringing up a child, and the day to day routine can totally get in the way of a husbad/wife relationship. Just recently I have been quite concerned with making sure we all have sandwiches etc for the next day, which is really not me at all. Perhaps I should be concentrating upon what is really important. I have to confess that your concern brought me to tears, and perhaps that shows that I should open up a bit more. See, I'm not cold at all despite having a Welsh Presbetarian mother!

Have you had chance to arrange some time together yet? x

Hello, Yes we have. We are both off for half term next week and so will be able to spend a bit more time together. We had a good long chat about everything yesterday and things are looking a lot clearer. We have now desided on some tactics to deal with the problems raised by DH and I am hopeful that things should soon be looking up. Thanks again for your concern, its so nice to know that folk care