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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Unhappy marriage

7 replies

Lrj19 · 29/12/2020 10:28

I don't know what to do, I'm so unhappy in my marriage of nearly 5 years. Me and my husband have been through so much together and always been close but since about March /April time I have been thinking of leaving. He has changed so much which I think is due to his job in the police. We argue all the time and I'm generally happier when I'm not with him. We have 20 month old twin boys who we both adore and he is a great dad but not a great husband, I don't fancy him anymore so I try to avoid any type of affection. I have mentioned my unhappiness to him back in August and said if things didn't get better by the new year then I think we should go our separate ways, and that time is here and I still feel the same. I just don't know where to start, where will we live, I don't earn alot as I only work 2 days a week, I have no savings, I'm worried for the future but I don't want to stay in an unhappy marriage.

OP posts:
FrontRowSeat · 29/12/2020 13:11

Do you have any support from family? Is there anywhere you can stay short term?

Lozzerbmc · 29/12/2020 16:09

Why do you think he has changed? Im sure being in police force in these covid times is very stressful. Would counselling help?

AmywithanL · 29/12/2020 16:16

What was his reaction when you told him how you were feeling back in August? Did he do anything to up until now to change or try to be better??
This year has been tough and I think its showing relationships in a new light. Would you consider counselling together? Or do you just have the ick?

Opentooffers · 29/12/2020 16:49

So you've given him time to consider things, and nothing has changed. How did he take it when you told him? Did he take you seriously? Did he get upset, or was he calm? If he was calm about it, it might be easier to discuss the practicalities of splitting. He could well be as unhappy as you are, so if you both feel the same way, perhaps you can agree on a plan of separation, seeing as it doesn't sound like either of you have been motivated to fix things.
Btw, affairs are rife in the police force I'm told, so there may be more to his side. Whatever the reason for his behaviour change, the fact remains that you are not happy about it and you don't need to hunt out a reason, it's enough to know that you are happier without him.

Original poster
Lrj19 · 30/12/2020 09:33

Not really I have twins so it's not that easy

OP posts:
Original poster
Lrj19 · 30/12/2020 09:42

He said me back in August that this is the person he was and he will not change, and to be honest it hasn't. There are so many things he does that irritate me, he is so tit for tat, and he always has to be right, never saying sorry. I really don't think counselling will work for us because he is not willing to change or compromise. I think I've made my mind up that I want to seperate it's just when I tell him,

OP posts:
Original poster
Lrj19 · 30/12/2020 10:19

I don't think he is having an affair tbh, he really isn't the type, he wouldnt have it in him. Tbh if he was I don't think I'd be that bothered, it would just make the separation easier. I don't think he will take it easy when I tell him, he will throw 100 questions at me and get really arsey not thinking about me once, it will be all about him.

OP posts:
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