Feeling stuck

[Golden37]

Hi, so its my first post here and really have turned to mums net as i feel pretty isolated and not to sure who to turn to or whats best to do, (sorry in advance!)
I have been married to my partner for just under a year now, we have a beautiful daughter who is around 1 year and a half and deffinately is helping to keep us on our toes at the moment, i had up routed and moved back to his hometown and fell pregnant instantly (struggled alot with anxiety and didnt leave the house much) so i havent made any friends here, now with the current situation im unable to try and get myself out there and socialise. We like most couples argue, but im now at the point where im feeling i can never do anything right and im constantly tip toeing around his moods (he gets angry very easily) its almost like im praying we get him in a happy mood each day because the grumpy side is beginning to become extremely exhausting. When we started dating it was the exact same but i thought to myself im more than happy to deal with that side because i fell in love with him..So when i try to talk to him he just looses it and pretty much brings up past trauma i suffered from my childhood (before i met him) and just blames that when i try and explain how im feeling a little unloved and isolated. He then tells me i will never be happy and makes me feel stupid for feeling unhappy and be littles, I just feel like im hitting a brick wall and constantly feel theres an issue with me, im constantly trying to keep myself busy, ive started an new business, exercise and try and do anything to keep me that busy that i dont need to think about my relationship feeling as if its falling appart. I just feel the love is one way and he is the type of man who will avoid separation for the childrens sake no matter how unhappy the parents are. - sorry for the rant and i hope that it makes sense.

It does make sense. It sounds like you have had a very tough 2020 - new baby, social isolation, DP's bad moods.

You've talked to him, obviously, and that hasn't helped. It sounds like you have reached a place where you are considering separation yourself. You need to get yourself into a position where this is a realistic possibility.

How are you placed financially and for practical support? Do you have family nearby? Is your business viable? Do you have savings?

In the meantime I would be very cool and calm with your DP. Don't react to his moods. If he is grumpy, say to him, "would you like to discuss what is bothering you, as you seem to be really angry today?" If he shouts back, or denies it and blames your over sensitivity. Just say, "ok I see you don't want to talk, and I won't stand for you being rude to me when I only offered to help. I am going to go and do xyz then." And walk out of the room. Just keep doing this, with small variations in your side of the dialogue.

If he follows you and tries to keep arguing, then turn calmly to him, look him in the eye, and say, "you're picking an argument. When you do that it makes me really upset. I'll tall to you when you can talk with me reasonably."

Don't engage with him at all. The rest of the time, be completely calm and nice, but assert yourself - don't take any crap from him, and don't clip your own wings to appease him.

Make sure he does a reasonable amount of childcare and that you get time to yourself. You should find Facebook groups locally where there are other trapped mums and dads of toddlers who just want to meet up for a walk. My local NCT runs weekly walks for this reason, for exams. Having friends IRL would help you, I think.

Once you have all your ducks in a row, then you have the option to leave him.