Throughout our marriage my husband has had inappropriate msgs with other women. There have been 8 different women that I am aware of, not for a second do I believe that is the correct number or that it's only been msgs as he sees them at work. The msgs are varying from gratuitous, flirting, asking to meet up then backing out and private jokes they share at work. All these women are aware of my existence, he of course told the majority we were together for the kids only - usual stuff! They are all colleagues, from his team or the wider company.
Every time he is caught out he says that he was depressed because of work or the kids, or the msgs just got out of hand and he panicked, the whole time saying he needed the ego boost, needed to know he was attractive, wanted and lovable. Something he doesn't get from me
He makes out he loves me, wants to be with me but needs to know I love him and offer more affection, I struggle to do this but why would I offer this hideous man affection?!!
He cries and promises to never do it again, he blames his parents for never making him feel loved and he doesn't know how to cope with emotions but will get help - then obviously doesn't. But, a few months later he will be caught msging another colleague. It's exhausting and for several years I have allowed his behaviour to cripple my self esteem, I have anxiety and depression.
I'm sat here tonight, after finding the last load of msgs a few months ago, laughing to myself about what an absolute mug I am. I promised myself that when the kids are off to uni or moved out I WILL tell him to get out, but that's a few years off yet and I just don't think I wait that long. I didn't see the last msg exchange with his colleague, but I did read msgs to his mate laughing about it. They were insulting to both her and myself, really showing how contemptuous he really is.
So, why do I just ignore it? Carry on like everything is fine? Because anyone who knew me would never believe that I would accept anything of the sort. It's joked that he loves me more than I him, he's such a puppy dog for me!
I truly don't understand why I have accepted this shit?
What the fuck is wrong with me????