This is a little long winded I don’t want to drip feed.
So day to day DH and I get on fine (ish). We are both 40 and met at uni been together a long time.
I was a SAHM gave up a high flying career where even then I earned 10s of thousands Of pounds more than DH. I am bright - incredibly so. I’ve come from a hard economic background and also a second generation immigrant (English wasn’t my first language etc). Parents very working class.
DH - white middle class male - privately educated - wealthy etc - one of 4 siblings and middle child. In a high pressurised career.
I’m starting a new business left my job (I went back to work after 4 years out) now worked back in my field for 4 years and could be at the top of my game if I had childcare support etc but it’s a big sacrifice all round on DH career and my job is more accommodating to do self employed.
I am under an imennse amount of pressure starting up my business and trying to work out how to make it all work.
I feel like if DH had to take care of the kids more he couldn’t do his job. He’s great around the house - he doesn’t tidy or clean. But does the clothes washing and puts it away. He also mainly puts the kids to bed at night
I do everything else - all the kids stuff - manage our house admin - life admin - he literally does his job (which is long hours) and does the clothes washing. We have a cleaner I do all car/house/repairs insurance etc manage the accounts -
He’s very reluctant to share all finances openly but we have a budget I know what he earns so I know what money we have and don’t have.
Back to this evening - he said yesterday that he had work to do this week even though he has the time booked off he said just a couple of hours a day. So I find it really hard to organise stuff. We have two DS 6 & 9 they are good at playing together and not disturbing us when working. Re isolation school work it’s me that organises my work around them not his.
Now this couple of hours a day work means it’s disruptive and sorry this is long.
So I say well tomorrow I have my smear at 4pm and he gets mad saying he works better in the morning - we had agreed he would work 3-5pm and in the morning in the light we would drive about 10 miles into the hill for the snow. Then he said well I work better in the morning - but I said you agreed to work 3-5? Then he said how can I if you’ve got your smear. I know my smear will be 20 mins the surgery is 5 mins walk away maybe 30 mins at the most.
I said look the DS will be on their iPads and they won’t disturb you we should still go look at snow. Then he starts stressing explains what will take 2 hours in the morning will take longer in the evening.
I got cross then abs said why did you say you could work 3-5 then he was like well I can’t now cos if your smear. So I was like well just leave it then if that’s now changed - he basically should never have said he can work 3-5 when he wanted to work in the morning. He should never have said he could come with DS and I to find snow.
So I was like if you need to work you Jsut work. I said I’m jsut pissed off you’ve changed the goal posts - then he was like I’m trying to explain I will get more done if I work in the morning I said well that’s fine don’t come theb. I said just don’t make promises and I’ll take DS on my own and you work. Then he said I’m just trying to fucking explain and kicked the kitchen cupboard and possibly broken his toe.
I’m just fed up - of his work - his stress dealing with his shit of his work stress. When I do everything he didn’t even know what DS had for Xmas cos I bought and wrapped everything .
I just want out. It’s not the snow I just want out.