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Original poster

Am I overreacting?

12 replies

crazycatlady2021 · 28/12/2020 20:34

Discovered bf porn by accident and a bit disturbed(not animals or kids but violent aspects). The idea of porn never bothered me so now not sure if I'm being over the top and this is "normal". Is it 'just' fantasy or some deeper indication of the type of person?

OP posts:
WunWun · 28/12/2020 20:36

What specifically is it?

Original poster
crazycatlady2021 · 28/12/2020 20:55

Bondage type stuff. It's the fact the women are acting as if they don't want to be taking part which I find off-putting and hard to see why he would want to watch that. Hence the question about fantasy or not. Almost wish I'd never seen it as would never have known otherwise:-(.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/12/2020 20:56

You've specified it's not related to animals or children but also that it's violent. So I'm assuming it's violence towards the women.

You know it's ok to NOT be ok with someone being sexually aroused by violence towards women, right?

You have just as much right to find someone getting off on violence to women disgusting as you do to them getting off on something to do with animals or children.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/12/2020 20:58

Cross posted.

Everyone have fantasies, everyone has preferences.

If this guy enjoys rape fantasies you are absolutely, unequivocally, 100% entitled to find that abhorrent and stop seeing him.

The fact you've seen he is into something that deeply troubles you and you're unsure whether you're being fair or not to be so troubled is troubling in itself.

Google the shark cage analogy. See if it rings any bells.

Original poster
crazycatlady2021 · 28/12/2020 21:03

I can't get my head round how the person i know likes it. I did a bit if research and all I kept finding was how mainstream most of this stuff was :-(. We have a kid together so don't want to make a rash decision if I am being over the top. Clearly no point asking him to stop as it looks pretty long term......

OP posts:
Original poster
crazycatlady2021 · 28/12/2020 21:04

Not rape fantasies. Will look up shark cage analogy.

OP posts:
WunWun · 28/12/2020 21:57

If they're tied up and acting as if they don't want to take part then that is a rape fantasy.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/12/2020 22:05

@WunWun

If they're tied up and acting as if they don't want to take part then that is a rape fantasy.
This. Or if they are saying 'no' / 'stop' / physically trying to get away from whatever is being performed on / to them. Can you see that OP?
Original poster
crazycatlady2021 · 28/12/2020 23:28

Thankyou for your thoughts. I am confident in what I want to say to him now.

OP posts:
Hesfamousforit · 28/12/2020 23:36

I think it's best we don't know too much about our oh fantasies because it can feel disturbing and off putting towards the relationship.... But at the end of the day it doesn't effect the relationship. He's not bringing it to the bedroom.
As you said it is mainstream stuff and it's not illegal. If you were to say anything I think I'd say I'd rather not know your taste in porn.

Closetbeanmuncher · 28/12/2020 23:53

I would find any type of violent porn a turn off. I can't and will never be able to get my head around the whole "mainstream" choke and spit stuff...

Just vile.

Lostinagoodbook · 29/12/2020 06:51

I will discuss it with him when I next see him. It has never come into our relationship and is not illegal. Thankyou for your thoughts ladies x

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