Worried now

[Chicken1980]

Hi all , just after some advice . It’s been a really stressful Christmas as me and DH are divorcing , he is very verbally and emotionally abusive . I am deeply ashamed of this now and have been so worried . I ended up getting quite drunk around 7pm just before kids went to bed , the wine went to my head as I don’t drink much these days , i was playing Christmas music a bit loud and was a bit annoying , my older ds said I was a bit weird the next day .. DH was around the entire time but said I was a disgrace and it was dangerous . Obviously I will never do it again but I am now worried he will try and use it against me in children’s arrangements. I have been primary carer for ten years and do everything even though he has been home during lockdown . I have never done this before . What can I do ? I know I am in wrong btw

Your daughter is nearly 6....that is not a baby. She is a child who was sat on the lap of a slightly tipsy, Christmas merry, mother. She was in no danger! Your DH is an arse and I hope you manage to divorce him ASAP with as little trouble as possible!

DD is 6 years old not 6 weeks old! Honestly it’s fine, he’s just winding you up, this is not a showstopper.

Thanks everyone. He is now saying he doesn’t trust me on my own with the kids ! And I should move out . I can’t help but get upset by this

@Chicken1980

Thanks everyone. He is now saying he doesn’t trust me on my own with the kids ! And I should move out . I can’t help but get upset by this

Ignore him This sort of thing is the behaviour of a desperate rejected man who is entirely responsible for his situation.

And don’t even think about moving out

He is just trying to rattle you
Do not react!

He’s an abusive manipulator. Do not listen to him. You’ve done nothing wrong. So you had too much to drink one night when he was there to keep an eye on things. So what? I work in child protection and quite honestly this is nothing to worry about at all and even if he did video you so what? He’s an absolute bully. He’s trying to grind you down. If I were you I’d take your kids and spend as much time out of the house and away from him as possible. He’s vile

Even if he dod film it he only has one incident. It will ne pretty clear he would have filmed more if there actually were more.

He will love that you are freaking out. Stop it. It isn't about being a perfect parent, no one is. You are more than good enough, so relax.

My ExH was like this and during a horrible divorce he bought out in court a picture of me in a pub good knows who took the picture and said I was drunk and he felt that I wouldn’t be able to look after the children. I wasn’t drunk I just look knackered because of the stress of the divorce. The judge asked to see the picture he looked at it and said to him so in your 10 years of having children you are telling me you have never been to a pub or ever had a drink! The judge really laid into him they don’t take to kindly to that sort of behaviour. They will use anything they can mine even mentioned I was bought up in a foster home that made me unsuitable to look after my children. Stay strong put it behind you. You are only human at the end of the day

Sorry for typos, typing on phone

I have told him he can take it to court then . He has broken things and shouted and sworn at me in front of the kids but I am the unfit parent . He also drinks every night and I go to bed early and get up with the kids every day . I find it so hurtful that he says he can’t trust me with kids after one mistake . Thanks for all of your help and advice , I really appreciate it all .

It’s the only thing they have against you is the kids. 6 years down the line my ExH admitted he played dirty and he wanted to hurt me because I wanted to leave. He wanted his happy home life on paper whilst having his cake and eating it. He didn’t want the truth to come out about how abusive he was emotionally, financially and very coercive controlling. He wanted me to be painted as the bad person. It didn’t work in the long run he soon got board of the kids and they are now with me full time after 60:40 split to me in court. It lasted 6 months I knew he wouldn’t stick to it. To much hard work.

That’s good Ruby , i am pleased they are with you . Poor you going through all that stress . I can’t think of a time he has got up with them in the morning so I don’t know how he would cope with the early mornings

Thanks again all . I am thinking of getting my solicitors advice on this but they are so expensive ! It’s just made me so anxious

He says my daughter was on my lap and could have fallen.
But there is no proof of that. Your son says you were "a little weird" but he is only 10 years old, so most of what adults do is weird. Your daughter did not fall, was not hurt, and your not-so-dear hubby could easily be lying to make you feel worse. If he believed her in danger and did not act to remove her, then he is an unfit parent.
See a solicitor and get yourself and your children away from him.