Male Attraction Body Language

[MistMoon]

Hi All,

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.

I am a married woman and I've recently developed a serious crush on the director of the small institution where I work. He is also married and has kids: he seems to be a happy and devoted family man. I am fairly certain that my crush is due to me hitting the menopause with a heavy dose of COVID angst thrown in and, I cannot stress this enough, I have NO intentions of getting into a romantic relationship with this man. We have been chatting more lately and he is a really nice guy so I do want to remain friends with him if I can.

My concern is that he is throwing a lot of attraction body language my way: holding my gaze, mirroring my gestures, repeating some of my words and phrases, hips and feet pointing at me during conversations, eye-brow flashes, using posture to make himself look bigger, self-grooming, removing his glasses when we have chats, etc. However, he has NOT engaged in anything even remotely inappropriate: no discussion of our marriages, no suggestions to meet outside of work, no gifts or touching. Everything seems innocent enough apart from his body language.

So, I guess my question is this: does his body language indicate that he wants something more than friendship or can I continue to be friendly without worrying that I am leading him on?

Thanks for any advice.

I think you are seeing what you want to see and the more you look for signs the more you’ll find them.

Oh dear god, it looks like you've googled "how to tell if a man fancies me" and have been deliberately looking for signs.

"Hips and feet pointing at me during conversations"

Cringe!!

God yes stop staring at his hips you’ll give the man a complex 🤣

My feet and hips were pointing at my elderly neighbour earlier whilst we had a conversation, I hope he hasn't gotten the wrong idea

I don't believe you are asking this question simply so you can avoid "leading him on"

Does he wiggle his hips?!

Sorry, just a reference from another thread!

My concern is that he is throwing a lot of attraction body language my way:

Ok let's go through these and see how you could be projecting here...

holding my gaze

Making eye contact

mirroring my gestures

Unless mirroring mutual masturbation you're probably just both using perfectly average, everyday gestures

repeating some of my words and phrases

Literally just polite conversation / discussing the same topic

hips and feet pointing at me during conversations

Aka facing you while talking to you?

eye-brow flashes

Moving his face when talking

using posture to make himself look bigger

Standing confidently

self-grooming

Touching his own face? Pretty common. Grooming you would be an actual sign.

removing his glasses when we have chats

I do that when because I'm short sighted but when someone's close I can see them fine

You have a crush. Maybe he has one on you too, maybe he doesn't. You're married and say you have no intention of acting on it. So I presume you're perfectly capable of speaking to him in a non flirtatious, normal, run of the mill, professional way? Good.

Can you see how problematic it is that you think if a man fancies you, then doing so (being professional) is 'leading him on'? It wouldn't be that you'd led him on if he made a move, it would be that he was a creepy sleaze who responded disgustingly to a woman being professional in the workplace.

If you aren't going to flirt with him or shag with him, don't. If he acts as if you are, tell HR or tell him he's wrong, inappropriate and unprofessional.

You're making this a big deal because you have a crush. Everything you've described him as doing that you're reading as him returning your crush is perfectly likely to simply be an adult being courteous, friendly and professional with a colleague / employee.

You want this to be a crush but also say you don't want it to be an issue. You're both married so it can't be a mutual crush without causing an issue really.

All sounds really teenage. The hips and feet thing is cringe OP, sorry, I think it's the kind of thing I would have read in J17 when I was in sixth form and made a mental not of when I saw a boy i fancied at the bus stop after school.

Chill - you have a crush, he is being normal, there's no need for any drama. Be professional.

As others have said there is a potential you're overthinking...

However

I'd be a bit more distant if you can. If there is a chance he likes you too you'd be playing with fire if you get too friendly. Don't get burnt, your marriages are worth more than that

God, it sounds like one of those ' does he like you' quizzes from Seventeen magazine!

You have a crush and are looking for shit that ain't there. Give your head a shake, and look at your own self to see why, and work on that

I think it’s probably your own feelings overwhelming you and deep down you know you need to back away. About 10 years ago, I developed a huge crush on a colleague. Like you, I had no intention of having an affair and in fact it made no impact on my love for my DH who I loved and fancied just as much as ever. But I worked in close proximity with this colleague - we actually shared an office - and there came a point when I realised I needed to move offices because the whole thing was becoming too intense for me and I needed some space. It was only my feelings doing this - there were no overtures from him and to this day I don’t think he has a clue about my crush. The distance helped and in time my feelings blew over. It was a great learning experience.

He might also realise you have a crush on him and he's enjoying messing with your mind.

Maybe it's your menopause hormones as you say.
Maybe take up a new hobby

Step away from the ‘How to Tell if a Guy Likes Me’ features in Jackie c. 1983.

Nooooo @DoWahDiddy don't encourage the wiggle hips leg humper 😂

@MrsFluffyMuff 🤣🤣

What exactly do you define as being friendly?

Seriously, do you need to be friends with him, beyond just being friendly like you would with any colleague you get on with? Can't you find some female friends? Why would even fret about something like that? It sounds to me like you're not being honest with yourself about this 'concern'. Sounds to me like you would be secretly titallated or thrilled if you knew he fancied you. It sounds a bit teen like. Next you'll be writing your names in hearts on pieces of paper and shoving it into a secret diary with a mini, heart padlock on it!

OP, this is about your attraction to this ego boost.

You are infatuated and are investing energy with more frequent conversations, extended eye contact, body language analysis, and mentionitis. It sounds like you hope he reciprocates the crush and are rationalizing that it’s okay as long as the attraction and marriages are not mentioned and there are no gifts, touches or meet-ups.

You are on a slippery slope. I would cut off the oxygen supply by detaching from the frequent chatting. It’s not fair to your husband and children. How would you feel if your H had a crush and was trying to figure out if she felt the same way?

He might also realise you have a crush on him and he's enjoying messing with your mind

Very likely that, or simply he noticed and loves the ego boost so he does same as what you do to keep it afloat but doesn't do anything 'real' that would indicate he's interested.

Some men would never initiate anything (esp if he's the boss) but would wait for the woman to initiate anything verbally, so if anything comes out, you'd be the bad one who led him on. That's the worst. A cheat AND a coward.

@Descant

Step away from the ‘How to Tell if a Guy Likes Me’ features in Jackie c. 1983.

Mostly A's ......

Ask yourself what you’d do if he did reciprocate the feelings? Surely it’s best just putting a lid on it and not give it any thought? You really don’t need this guy fancying you because if you knew he did you might say now that nothing would come of it but it would leave that void open, and that’s always a danger zone. It can be difficult to manage these things but it is totally possible.

I have a bit of a crush on someone, and like you I am married and so is he. If I’m honest I’m not particularly happy in my marriage and maybe feelings have developed on my part to fulfil a bit of a void. However I’m also human and not dead, so these things do happen and for me it’s the first time in decades that I’ve had these silly feelings for someone who isn’t a celebrity. I’m realistic, I know this guy probably does things that piss his wife right off.

But I’m very happy that it’s one sided because what I get from this is a spurring on for what I do. It’s not my job but it’s something I’m particularly into. I use the energy to drive and improve me. If he knew I had a thing for him I am certain he’d be horrified, and it would change the fantastic rapport we have but equally if it were reciprocated I would absolutely hate it because I’d lose the amazing opportunity that I currently have and that to me would be a huge and devastating loss. I hold huge respect for him and place him on a bit of a pedestal.

I think if you go looking for things you’ll always find something and it will result in it giving him too much head space. Don’t torture yourself and also cut yourself some slack.