Regular poster, I’ve posted before under this changed name about my sexless marriage. DH and I have been together 11 years and have a primary age DC. We haven’t had sex or been intimate in over a year. Today we had a long chat about the state of our marriage and I am completely lost as to what to do next, and so very sad.
Essentially, we are flatmates and co-parents, and we fulfil both of those roles brilliantly and enjoy them immensely. But the rest is gone. And I’m not sure I want it to come back. He said he was looking through old photos of us and got really upset when he saw the way I used to look at him. He said he feels like I don’t love him anymore and I’m scared that he might be right, but more in a sense that I love him deeply but I’m not in love with him any more.
What I want is to be with him, to share our lives and our wonderful child and to grow old together. He makes me so happy, we laugh like drains together and if he wasn’t here I would miss him desperately; I always feel like I’ve lost a limb when we’re apart. But I don’t want sex with him, or with anyone else. I had psychosexual therapy earlier this year and it didn’t help me come to any other conclusion, if anything it made me more secure in my feeling that it’s no longer something I want.
He, on the other hand, finds it massively difficult and I don’t blame him at all. We are able to discuss it respectfully and agree that both our feelings and opinions are valid, just totally opposite. He says he feels like he’s going slowly insane, and I hate knowing that’s because of me - all I want is for him to be happy and I can’t do that for him 100%.
Thank you if you got this far. It feels good having written this down, through many tears. I’d love to know if anyone has felt similarly and if so, what you did? We agreed to get couples counselling as we think it would help to have someone else navigate our conversations, and I guess ultimately help us separate if that is what it comes to.