My father hasn't contacted me in a year after I suggested family therapy to address a break down in our relationship. He said he would think about it in new year last December and I heard nothing further.
I explained he could contact my DH for contact with our DC, that they knew he loved them and they were free to see him and he them. My DC have never asked to see him and he has never asked to see them. But he continues to send gifts at their birthday and Christmas.
I am finding it increasingly strange to have him send things when he is making no effort to see them or even ask after them in any detail. (Sends "I hope they have a nice holiday/birthday' type messages but no active asking about them).
I have explained to my older DC the situation but not the younger one yet.
I feel like I can't keep this non-relationship on this footing and need to make a cleaner/clearer break with F. He has never made much effort with my DC - largely I suspect because I didn't allow him unfettered access through childcare. He has a track record of applying strings to everything and I was low contact for a few years before this last rupture, instigated by him. He fell out with me after a family tragedy claiming I excluded him. It was not in my power to exclude him and my belief is he used an extreme form of passive aggression to exclude himself.
I am a bit lost and not sure if I'm explaining but I just don't know what to do. How/whether to protect my DC from his emotional immaturity or let it flow long in this strange limbo.