Feel a bit lonely

[Bookriddle]

Hey guys im a married man with a 14 month old daughter, since our little one was about 2 weeks old my wife decided to put her in our bed to co sleep with her, at the time i was nervous about this, but after 1 month i decided it was best if i didnt sleep in the bed with them, im scared i was gonna roll on the baby and im a terrible sleeper, i wake up between 3 to 4 times a night and i was waking the little one up! So for 3 months i slept on the floor at the end of the bed, so i could help with the nights(she wasnt breats fed), after 3 months of sleeping on the floor, it was hurting my back so i moved downstairs to the sofa, our spare room is kitted out for baby, with a cot, and we dont have the money for a sparebed! So for the last 11 months i have been on the sofa!

So my partner works 3 nights a week, so i atleast get 3 nights in the bed, and im sleeping alot better now she is older and its just us 2 in the bed!

But sleeping arrangements aside, im just so lonely during the evening, we do our night routie and baby is normaly asleep by 1930, my wife will not move from the bedroom after she is asleep, so i spend most evenings down stairs watching telly by myself without any adult company, it was fine for the first 2 weeks, now its just sad and depressing, at weekends its usually a bit better because we are both home and spend the day playing with little one etc, but no time for just 2 of us!

From the sex side of things, my wife will literally message me on facebook to say she fancys a shag, theres no build up, no laying in bed, having a cuddle and hands start to wonder!

I tried to talk to my wife about 6 months ago and at the time, she said she wasnt ready to put baby in a cot, so i left it at that!

Im at a point now, where i want baby to go into her cot, i want my bed back, i hate sleeping on the sofa, i hate being lonely at night with no adult conversation, juat so fed up, but im also wondering if im being selfish wanting my bed back wtc!

You need to talk to your wife and tell her how you are feeling and why.

Have you tried a compromise, you can get a cot that bolts onto the side of the bed which allows you to co sleep safely until baby's old enough to go into their own room.
Regarding the sex issue, that's something you need to speak to your wife directly about.
Best of luck op, clear communication's the only way in these situations.

@alltheprosecco84

Have you tried a compromise, you can get a cot that bolts onto the side of the bed which allows you to co sleep safely until baby's old enough to go into their own room. Regarding the sex issue, that's something you need to speak to your wife directly about. Best of luck op, clear communication's the only way in these situations.

We had a lay next to me which we used for the first 2 weeks but my wife didnt like it, thats how little one ended up in our bed! At the moment sex is not a big thing for me, this year has caused us so many problems, that im to stressed to even bother with it!

At 14 months I would definitely want a baby to be sleeping in her own cot, preferably room. While the baby needs to take priority, of course she does, your marriage also needs to figure somewhere in the equasion. I'm not a huge fan of co sleeping I think to begin with it's dangerous and at some point you need to get some part of normality back to your life, in any case these decisions should really be discussed and made together.
You need to talk to your wife about this, is she intending this to be a permanent arrangement, it sounds like it. The longer your child co sleeps the harder it will be for her to eventually sleep in her own bed. I would also be concerned why your wife never comes down once she is asleep. I can understand that in the early days/weeks there are concerns and worries about leaving a sleeping baby but by this point I think it's completely acceptable to expect, want and need time with your wife in the evening. If the baby is put to bed and sleeps why wouldn't you use that time to regroup together. Is there something else going on from her perspective. In any case you can't continue like this, it will kill your marriage. These are questions you need to asking your wife.

Just tell her how you feel. If you feel she doesn't take it seriously or doesn't listen keep telling her how difficult it is for you. It might also help if you tell her that you do not accuse her of anything and that you know this happens very easily when becoming a parent. Now you genuinely want to find a mutual solution that helps both of you. Who knows maybe she also feels lonely? You will only find out if you start the conversation. Good luck

So where is Dd going when your wife FB msgs you to come to bed for sex? I'm presuming she's lifted into her cot asleep then?

I'll also be honest and state from your comment that you 'miss laying in bed cuddling, and then hands start to wander'. If you potentially associate sleeping in the same bed as an opportunity for instigating sex, and potentially she's just too touched out by Dd, and prefers to leave it for when she is actually feeling in the mood?

Cot and baby monitor
It's an excuse to play games