AIBU to feel hurt?

[DaisyDoll778]

I have been friends with a girl for three years after we began working together and we have become really close. She relocated for her partner's job and had no friends or family here and we quickly became good friends.

Soon after she moved here she went through a bad break up and relied on me a lot. I, together with a few of my friends, helped her to build a life here and got her through the tough times. I have been encouraging her to make friends down here (which she has been) and overall she is a lot happier.

She has become good friends with someone in particular, which I welcome and am pleased about. However, she will now never commit to plans with me just in case her other friend wants to do something. She also cancels plans with me to do things with this other girl and the whole situation has left me feeling quite hurt.

I don't expect her to do things with just me and I am so pleased she is finding her way, but this feels like one step further. Back in the summer she had an issue at work and she relied on me for support every day. However, I have recently been very unwell and had a serious health scare and she's barely even checked in with me and has been avoiding me to see her other friends.

Sorry for the long post, i just want to know if I am overreacting and being petty. I feel very hurt and like a complete mug. Xx

She sounds like a bit of a user :-(.
Don’t offer her any further support until she has given you some.

Hope you feel better soon..

Well now, it entirely depends if you friendship and helpfulness is based on just being a friend, or be honest, do you hope for more?
She's just out of her relationship, and is doing the right thing by not wanting to jump into another. I think she's sussed that you are interested in more, but she just isn't, not with you I'm afraid. It could be timing, it could be never. You've set yourself up here as a night in shining armour, trouble is, if you do that,. You might just get as far as seeing someone go off and flourish without you, which it sounds like she is doing. So, you've helped her out, that's good, but if you want special treatment, well she doesn't owe you that, just her gratitude for helping. Don't be a saviour, if you want a relationship, find someone whose sorted already and doesn't require your help. She's giving clear indication that she sees you as nothing more than a friend who helped her, but would rather meet with female friend, so no romance here in the offing.

Just to add, either way, as you helped her every day and she heavily leaned on you, yes it is a bit sad that she didn't check in on your health. Overall, make yourself less available to her. Go out with your mates instead and put her behind you.

@opentooffers I am not interested in her romantically at all. I am coming at this from a friendship angle, I have a (male) DP. I dont see myself as a night in shining armour, but surely when you are going through a rough time such as being tested for a serious disease, its okay to expect your closest friends to at least check in and offer a bit of moral support? Another reason I've joined this forum is to be able to speak to people xx

I would back right off op. It sounds like your usefulness has come to an end. I hate people like this, who seem to sap every bit of goodwill out of you then when everything is fine, you don't see them for dust. I wouldn't contact her or chase her. I believe in actions rather than words. If she makes plans and comes to you then she is still your friend. If she doesn't, it's her loss. You sound like an amazing and kind person. Reserve your kind behaviour for people who return it to you and who genuinely care for you. I've had this so many times in the past, I was a walk over because I hated rocking the boat and was worried I've have no friends if I cut out the bad ones. Well since I have my self worth has improved, my mental health has improved and I know the friends I have around me are good ones now.

Don't waste your time anymore on this girl. You will never understand why she has done it because you aren't made like that. Just walk away with your head held high knowing you can take the high ground as you've done nothing but help her.

@opaljewel thank you for your kind reply xx

Sorry, it clear from your post where you were coming from. So yes, she found your kind nature and helpfulness useful to her, but hasn't been there for you. So maybe this new friend can be currently more useful for her, or she tends to have one intense friendship at a time and moves to shiny new friend regularly. That's her loss in the end and is her foible. I'd be tempted to sit back in this situation and never be the one to arrange a meet, then, if she does try, say you happen to be busy and can't. Will she ever contact you again after that? Maybe, but meantime, keep with those who did care when you were going through tough times.

She’s a user. Back away from her.