What would you do with this e-mail from MIL

[halvedfees]

Concerned DP here. During lockdown my OH spoke to her 85 year old mother every day. We went round with milk etc. Sent her a recipe box from Mindful Chef. Supported her at a distance as much as possible. Tolerated having the phone slammed down on her after refusing to enter the house during lockdown to persuade her 90 year old father to go in a care home. When her mother slammed it down for a second time 4 weeks later ( due to not being sympathetic enough over the next- door neighbour recently widowed owner selling her house and the annoyance of people driving up the private drive to view it) she stopped phoning her mother. 2 weeks later her mother sent an email to our 23 yr old DS and all her sisters and brothers. This is the snippet

"Chips off old blocks" come readily to mind! because I'm sad to say that on June 3rd. your mother was most unhelpful and rude to me on the phone. I know she and your father have huge worries workwise but I found her attitude very upsetting and unsupportive.
I haven't heard a peep out of either of them since - but of course your Dad does as he's told. I'm afraid that I too have taken that line of least resistance in the past which was cowardly and foolish. I have decided it's time to end [name removed by MNHQ]'s covert bullying even if it means an estrangement.

X is unable to visit but has been in frequent touch sending flowers and chocs out of her meagre income. She may be autistic but it's at times like these when innate kindness means a lot.

Auntie Y is a pillar of strength but is strangely unsurprised by your mother's attitude. Likewise Z

Maybe we should keep this email to ourselves but that should be you decision."

My DP only found out because our DS forwarded the email to us.

This was all 6 months ago and she hasn't spoken to her since. She has communicated by email and told her what she was upset about. My MIL has side-stepped the issue.

How would you handle this?

It sounds more like the aunt is trying to stay out of it than be a flying monkey. She's not doing any more than saying 'I hope you can be reconciled' when directly addressed about the situation?

I think I would take the hint that she isn't going to choose sides, and avoid drawing her in to any conversations about it. Or tell her anything that you don't want passed on to your MIL.

@Sssloou

The aunt is a flying monkey. This (no surprise) increased contact is keeping you all in the game and info and hurt feelings are still flowing through this person who has their own agenda guilt tripping your wife.

I would cut right back on that channel - either via a grey rock or fade or state some v overt boundaries - do not tell me anything about MiL and do don’t give MiL any info about us - but seems that this aunt is not capable of diplomacy if she has been manipulated into this position by her sister.

What do YOU think should happen here?

I think the absolute opposite. She is desperately trying not to get involved. She even refused to talk about it at first. She's in an awful position, and anything she says right now that supports either party will come back to haunt her. So pretty much the opposite of a flying monkey.

But yes, I'd avoid saying much to her because it just isn't fair to her.

@halvedfees. To save your DP stress, is it possible to divert the emails into your inbox somehow? Would you be prepared to sift through for relevant FIL info, discard the FM stuff? Would that work?