Hi all,
This might get long, sorry.
Married for 16yrs, our culture is still ( in this century!)infamous for patriarchy. First 10yrs of my life were full of life: happy couple, outings, kids, me getting a masters degree etc.
I made my decissions, was involved in family finances actively which were mostly saving monies in various things. However for 1-2yrs I got too busy in my little kid , second pregnancy, studies etc that I did not peak into any of the finances. After the break, I went into our accounts and I noticed in my H bank statements that almost all of the savings has been wiped,10 yrs of savings... just poof. I was schoked and asked what happened to all of that chunk?!... He said ' I invested it on MY family on their name, you were too busy so I made a decission because the investment needed urgent attention'. He took all of it and invested in his parents and brother. He assured me ' dont worry a bit of it is still going to come back to us'.
I was heart broken of his doing. I though HIS FAMILY was us. I asked him questions and demended answers which he had no clue. He apparently assumed I will never ask any difficult questions and got mad at me because... well... I spoke.
Now he is a different man since 6yrs , he still prefers his parents to his children. He was raised to prove his loyalty to them and he takes pride in being their doormat ( dragging all of us to be one) He has over the years become increasingly difficult and vile because I ask him on every 'loyal' decission he makes.
My terrible mistakes:
Trust him.
Not being serious on career. I was a bright girl and I still am. However sadly, I have a masters degree which I never made use of, in these 8yrs. I have been only doing min wage part time online job as he refuses to do anything for children. So I had to keep myself available.
He climbed in his career at lighting speed. We have a good house, nice life style and money to spend but I firmly feel like I am living off someone. I feel sad that I do. I dont feel home as a home but feel it to be 'his house' that I am staying because I have no where else to go.
I wish I had some good career and I can give a good life to kids on my own. I fantasize not living off him.
If I leave, I will be left with little savings that I saved from my random jobs. Wont last even 6months with me and kids. Cant get any money out if him ( I have too much pride to fight for it anyway) because, well, its all on his family.
If I leave, I will make my kids suffer with me while they actually had pretty good life otherwise.
On the other hand, we argue and we dont love eathothet and I am so worried that my kids are getting the clue and what I am teaching them every single say I stay in this marraige. My daughter is very sensitive and I am teaching her weakling things by being a weakling. I have an urge to show her otherwise but I dont know where to start :( .
I cant live like this anymore but I cant leave like this anywhere.
Are there any housewife mums at all who made thru similar circumstances like mine?