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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Broken relationship

3 replies

Sarah1123 · 27/12/2020 17:24

Hi everyone,
I felt I just needed to talk to people. I haven't told any of my family or friends that my relationship is seemingly over yet as I can't face it. I have 2 girls with a man I have been with for 14 years and I am 22 weeks pregnant with our third.

Over the last few months I have felt my other half has treated me appallingly. He is rude, critical and hateful. He shows no interest in our coming baby. He is a difficult man and always has been but has seemed to hate me for months. I work full time as a teacher, I do everything for the kids and I do all the house work. He works hard for his own business that he is very proud of. We earn equal amounts. After arguments for weeks, last night an argument blew up and he said I make him absolutely miserable and life would be better without me around. So I said we needed to break up and he agreed. This has happened hundreds of times and eventually neither of us want to leave the family house so we forget about it. This time I went through it with him and he agreed to go which he has never done before. I think he agrees that we are both miserable.

So he is gone. No communication. I am left with my girls and a bulging belly and I feel very sad. Any advice would be appreciated. I guess the saddest thing is he isn't even going to try to make things better.

OP posts:
bookishtartlet · 27/12/2020 17:47

I've no advice, but my 11 year relationship, 7 year marriage, ended this year when I was 12 weeks pregnant with my second child too. Again hes had no interest in this planned pregnancy and I'm due any day now. Its been a tough few months, I'm also a teacher and worked right up until the Christmas holidays. You can and will get through it. Ex has been a total arsehole, accusing me of emotional abuse for years and demanding 5050 of the kids which he is not capable of. You need to establish finances and contact with kids ASAP, do not be accommodating. You got this 👍

Sarah1123 · 27/12/2020 19:12

Thank you for your reply. I just feel overwhelming sadness right now despite the misery I've felt over the last few months. I just wish he had the capacity to change but I know he does not. He has always said he would demand custody but he works very long hours for his own business so even 5050 would be impossible on his side. He hasn't even contacted me yet and I have the dread of his return as he doesn't have any work clothes with him. Relationships are not easy. Sounds like you have been very brave ❤

OP posts:
Fairycake2 · 27/12/2020 22:07

I'm so sorry you're going through this but I have to say, it sounds like it is for the best. He's sounds like a total arse! In time you'll realise you're better off without him.

You're doing most things on your own anyway so you've totally got this. Start to plan for the future, look at finances etc.

Are you married? Do you own property together? Get copies of all the paperwork you can find, especially around how much he earns from the business. Sadly many self employed people start hiding earnings so they pay minimum child support.

As for 50/50 care of your DC, it is unlikely he'll go through with this once he realises what it involves. It's often used as a threat. Doesn't sound like he could make it work around his job so I dont think you should worry too much.

Sending hugs. I hope things work out for you 💐

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