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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being fair to date? Am I undatable?

2 replies

TwoAndMe · 27/12/2020 13:36

I have been single a very long time. Im a single paret to 3 teens. Single, mainly through choice as I have been building a career since my divorce (8 years ago).
I have been dating on and off for a couple of years. I met someone just before lockdown. We chatted lots before hand, met for a couple of coffees and then we went into lockdown. It's been a difficult year for many and contact has obviously been restricted. Throughout the pandemic, I started to develop symptom after symptom and still having investigations carried out to see what the problems I'm experiencing are. It has massively impacted on my mental health as this has been going on since April. Anyway, one symptom is I can't eat solid food anymore. I question if I ever will. We have all had to isolate ourselves this year but this has caused be to even more so as its difficult to explain and people don't understand.
The dates after lockdown were distance walks, then coffee again. Due to the circumstances we haven't dated much but kept in contact lots.
Then about 3 months ago, the last symptom kicked in (unable to swallow). I haven't told him. Due to the circumstances, we haven't been out for food or anything. However, that is going to happen, eventually.
Dates are all about, coffee, meals out, cooking for eachother, etc. I have lost almost 2 stone. From the outside, people are saying how good I look due to the weight loss but I'm suffering physically inside. I'm not sure I am dateable anymore, because my whole life is about to change. I like this guy and enjoy what contact we have. I also think, im being unfair to him. Eventually we will be able to move forward and that's going to involve dates that require food. I would like to hear your thoughts. Maybe I need to focus on a life alone? It has benefits right?

OP posts:
nolovelost · 27/12/2020 14:50

Just tell him, if he really likes you he won't see the problem and will want to help you get to the bottom of things. He'll probably wonder why you didn't say anything.

MeMarmiteYouJam · 27/12/2020 14:55

I thought I was undateable, for other reasons, but if someone loves you, the obstacles aren't impossible to overcome.

Your circumstances are beyond your control (as are mine) and someone who sees you as a whole person will accept you for who you are.

This year has been so hard, for all of us. If the man you're interested in can't accept that you e been out through the wringer same as everyone else, he's not worth your time.

Flowers
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