I’ll to condense this all I can and get my point across clearly.
New year, New you all that... I just really resent how I am a good, authentic, loyal, considerate and hard working person and feel the people I let into my life / my life situations shaft me.
Background. Moved out very young due to parents always fighting and being super strict. (25 years on they are still the same btw).
I haven known since the 90’s this wasn’t normal and 10 years ago I identified this to be narcissistic, co-dependency, coercive, which is essentially classic DV!
I am a single mum of 1 teen girl. I had her with the wrong man!!! Wanted a baby and talked me into it .. he sold me the dream but even during pregnancy he was drinking in city bars late and would come home highly abusive. Would get sick etc etc and refuse to clear it up. Ok and nice to society but awful when at home.
I left him with my dd was 3! I held down the rent of another house, worked fulltime and paid all crèche and bills. It was awful. But for self pride I worked to show my dd the right way and set a good example for her.
The dad took me to courts for access and bullied me for 3 years after I left him. Myself and dd had an awful time. He was finally charged with harassment, but his instead got his friends to watch me, come to my place of work and hassle me. Slashed my tyres twice and I felt so helpless. Agencies I went to I feel failed us, as courts said father still has rights despite what he’s done?
Fast forward many years. I have only had 2 relationships in 12 years. Both ending up the exact same.
Me listening to their crap on us having a future and eventually living together - marriage, more kids etc.
My self respect is good, confidence and I do love myself but I’m a true romantic and always dreamt of the husband, family setting.
I didn’t want to be a single mum. It was only myself and dd. I had no minders to go on endless dates to try and meet someone. I thought I chose good men, good people and after months they often didn’t like the responsibility of my life ! They wanted to let loose and I was a mum.
Many failed attempts.
My last relationship of 18 months (3 years ago) ended by me walking away and literally moving miles away and got a new job and with my life savings bought a fixer upper house. It was my life line.
The guy just turned nasty !! My though was he was torn over fully committing to me.
He kept causing upset. I’d make dinner and go to a massive effort and he’d tell me I didn’t look nice in the dress and I was fat ?? I was only 8.5 stone then ?
He was constantly putting me down and said I needed a life outside of my child. I spent a lot of money asking friends to mind my dd Saturday nights so we could do things ? He threw it all back in my face !
To top it off told me he didn’t believe in marriage and didn’t want kids!? It came from no where ??? I didn’t say anything to make him say this..
I left and was so upset. 4 weeks later he moved also and back to the European country he was from.
My Mum had me believe that having a new car, this better decent job and now my own home would attract a better man in the future !
I have met a guy now and only 8 months in.. we get on so well. BUT his teen daughter isn’t great and left school with no exams, no attitude to study or get a job.
I spent my life sayings (not easy as a single mum with no maintenance, absolute and utter sacrifices)
New guy wants a future but we have ‘to wait until he sorts’ his dd. But sadly from what I’ve saw she’ll never get herself sorted. Too much to go into but she needs to be the centre of attention. She has a mum, 2 lots o grandparents, many cousins and they have to have her on a pedestal. She needs expensive beauty treatments and needs everything to be about her.
New Guy is good person, but I changed my outlook completely on meeting a new guy. I was not superficial in the slightest ! I did not judge on looks, job, social class, hobbies etc!!
I just met him online and thought he looked together and his smile drew me in.
I have sadly learned he’s had the snip, can’t have more kids and my dreams were shattered there. No savings and loads of silly unavoidable in my eyes debt to pay.
He’s talking of selling his house to move to me in 2 years. (Yet again my life is on hold in my eyes)!!!
Then I told him despite being married his x wife can claim her share and also his private pension? He was shocked when I told him this ????
Now I feel yet again, I’ve been sensible, did the right thing in life, NEVER trapped a man with pregnancy like a few co-workers and new partner of my last x did (the one who didn’t want kids) !!
I just feel so fed up. The new guys x is the opposite of me. I met her by chance and was shocked!!!!! She is blatantly a drug user. Not sure what exactly but I said to him and he said he knows. One of the reasons the broke up!
But I feel so upset, she only knew him 1 month and pregnant with their dd. He stayed with her and done the right thing. He got a lot of money from his Grandfather after he passed away. He bought them a lovely home ! They sold it and made a profit and she got a second lovely home which he still stays in. She didn’t work, claimed she was too depressed, got cosmetic surgery on the nhs. Boob job, nose job and other things saying she was depressed. He put up with many things ( BUT I am aware 2 sides to every story) !!
And I just feel I always get the raw deal in life. I want COMMITMENT in life. I want. Husband. But not to the point of desperation! I want a life companion and someone who would have been an amazing father figure to my dd. Feel my dd really got the raw deal too there. Guy now, his dd has it all. Everyone rallying around after her and she doesn’t appreciate anything, breaks so many phones and demands a replacement.
Sorry rant. I’m highly self sufficient as no man would provide as 50/50. This guy gives myself and dd so much joy. But I just feel so so resentful his x wife got a life given to her she didn’t appreciate and his dd the same.
I had to provide all for myself and dd. Now he’s in a pickle with nothing ! His mortgage is also more than the house is worth due to home loans when they were together. I hope this doesn’t sound privileged or bratty.. I just feel I’ve done the very best raising my dd and we haven’t had it easy xx