He stalks his ex flings social media

[Xmaswhy]

So I’ve been dating this guy for a while now. Everything was going great except I had seen him checking his ex? Ex fling?’s social media regularly. He would check in the middle of the night, he doesn’t follow her so he was stalking her.

I left it for a little bit, when he spoke about her before he said they were never in a relationship it was just a fling. Literally over the past few weeks he was doing it nightly so I confronted him.

He turned round and said just because he said things about her in the past, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want her to do well in life, to be happy or isn’t interested in her life. He said he doesn’t have feelings for her, but the gag is they’re not even friends?! He straight to my face said he’s moved on with me but he wants her to do well in life just because they’re not dating anymore.

Am I tripping or is this not normal? Any of my exes I don’t care about them. No bad feelings but you don’t exist in my world. He doesn’t understand why I’m so upset

I wouldn't put up with this personally.

Honestly it sounds like he isn’t over her. We all randomly think of someone from our past and wonder “what happened to them?” (Often followed by a sneaky Facebook search etc) but to do it daily is a different thing entirely! He is definitely not over her.

How do you know he is looking her up?

I think it's fine to move on and leave him behind. His mind doesn't seem to be on you.

My ex stalks me his first ex wife and his ex fiance his excuses for me is because he "needs" to know if I'm having a man around his children but he has no children with ex wife 1 nor his ex fiance

The guy is just wrong

It doesn't much sound like she was just a "fling" does it?

If he is checking nightly then he is still pretty obsessed with her.
As others have said, we only bother with ex's out of occasional curiosity.
Regular checking means he is still emotionally hung up on her and hasn't 'moved on' at all - fling or not....

Sure sounds like he's not over her and his behaviour amounts to a stalker. I blocked a couple of ex' es I don't want them snooping in on my life. They're ex'es for a reason simple as that

He's sitting next to you nightly, openly checking the social media pages of exes? Why the fuck are you still with this man?

" ... he said they were never in a relationship it was just a fling" though "he wants her to do well in life just because they’re not dating anymore."

They were dating but were not in a relationship. Not to be pedantic, but that's just tosh. And indicative of the mental gymnastics he's doing to justify his weird and creepy behaviour to you and himself.

Dump dump dump.

I bet she left him and he still fancies her . No other reason to be staking her

Oh he certainly does understand why you aren’t happy, but he doesn’t want to stop doing what he’s doing, so he’s trying to justify it instead and is making out that you are the unreasonable one.
Get rid.

I know they weren’t in a relationship. I know through mutual friends that she wanted more from him and he didn’t want to commit to her.

That’s why it’s so weird to me, that he’s so worried about her happiness, or her life.

@Xmaswhy

I know they weren’t in a relationship. I know through mutual friends that she wanted more from him and he didn’t want to commit to her.

That’s why it’s so weird to me, that he’s so worried about her happiness, or her life.

Is he sitting next to you doing this openly or have you looked at his phone secretly to find out?

Asking because if he's doing it openly in front of you knowing it's hurtful he has absolute contempt for you, can't even be arsed to pretend to respect you.

Well, it's really odd behaviour. And his reasons are just odd too. And you have a choice thankfully. I am sure if you were to ditch and walk away he will be stalking you as well casually in front of the next gf. Why normalise something like this. Prior to social media, would be odd to sit in a car outside someone work just to see if they are doing OK in life. Social media has normalised a lot of behaviours we would question otherwise.

That’s weird; the odd social media check is fine and I’ve done it out of just being curious but not on a frequent basis; that points to something else. I’d move on from him and make sure your social media is set to private

He has feelings for her. He might have a pang of regret about how he treated her and be wondering 'what if?'

If only he could be honest with you about it then you might be able to get everything out in the open and decide what to do next, but if he can't be emotionally honest with you, do you want to stay with him anyway? The ball is in your court

So he does this in front of you? If so, I'd take the hint and bin him off.

No he’s been doing it in bed at night when he thought I was asleep, he would just search her page. Then watch her stories and have a nose at her followers.

That’s weird and I certainly wouldn’t like it if I were you.

If you're snooping the relationship doesn't have trust and isn't going to last anyway.

So the question you need to ask yourself is do you want to date a stalker, as clearly that's what this guy is.

Or are you the poster that's married to the stalker and the 'fling' was an affair reposting with a different narrative in the hope someone will tell you its normal?