I can’t work out what is going on - is this some sort of conspiracy or am I losing the plot?

[Anonnearly2021]

I think I probably am losing the plot slightly but hear me out. Had a baby recently, wanted to breastfeed. Partner didn’t seem to have a preference either way.

In hospital I needed an emergency c section so first skin to skin was with DP. I was upset about this: it was the one thing on my birth plan I expressly said I wanted. And he gave him formula.

Since then breastfeeding is very difficult but I am seriously starting to wonder if there’s something more going on here. It’s just the second my back is turned DP gives him formula. So he’s not hungry then and won’t breastfeed and this effects my milk. Also, I’m hungry myself - I’ve asked DP to please go to the supermarket, he says he will but is just sat around watching telly. I’m starting to feel like it’s all designed to stop me feeding my baby myself.

This isn't right. You are a breastfeeding mum and you need the extra calories to produce milk. This sounds abusive if your partner is depriving you of food and formula feeding your baby.
Is there anyone you can call to bring food?
I'd kick this fool out and take care of your baby how you want to.

Can you chat this through with anyone in real life, a friend or sister?

DH needs to get off his arse and make some meals for you. I don’t want to say that you’re imagining this at all but new baby and a lack of sleep and good food can affect you more than you think.

Are you able to talk to GP or health visitor about this?

Apologies partner not DH!

Why is he doing this? It doesn't sound like he respects you. I'd bin all formula doesn't need to be there.

Bin the formula now. Ring someone to go to the supermarket for you and take the baby to bed for a baby moon and just fees feed feed.

This early time is important to get milk established and your bloke is out of order.

Call on a friend / sister / health visitor for some support. Order food in if you can or ask someone to drop a care package in with some goodies for you.
Is your DH insecure normally, could he be worried about you bonding 'better' than him or being influenced by his family that bottle is better ?

Ok, that’s not ok if DH is giving formula when you are trying to get breast feeding established. Giving formula is fine, nothing wrong with it and it gives you a break BUT when your trying to get breastfeeding established could be hampering your efforts. I can’t say as to whether your DH is thinking that he is being helpful by doing this, or whether he is just going against your wishes I don’t know.

To help with feeding, you can do skin to skin any time and as much as you like. If you just sit and hold/cuddle your baby to your skin baby will naturally root for the breast when they are hungry.

As for the shopping, he needs to get of his lazy ass and get you some food. Regardless of breastfeeding you need calories to recover and to sustain yourself. Oats are great for helping with milk supply, so lots of porridge and flapjacks, both easy to make and easy to eat or nibble on. Perhaps don’t mention it good for milk supply if you suspect your DH of trying to sabotage your feeding. If you feel you have issues with your supply, a good diet with lots of oats, and perhaps give pumping a try to help increase supply.

If DH is indeed trying to sabotage your attempts to breastfeed your child, that would be a LTB offence for me.

Is your partner a woman too?

Ditch the bottles and formula. If it's not there then it can't be used. BF is hard so just stick with it. Sorry you're feeling this way

My health visitor was very helpful when my MIL influenced DH to do this, she was old school and offered to read both of them the riot act. At the very least she helped me feel that I was in the right and gave me the confidence to put myself and my newborn first. Yours may be the same, and is only a phone call away.

Throw out the formula and bottles?

And ring a family member to go shopping for you to shame the lazy bastard.

What the...?!?!?
This is shocking behaviour.
He should be supporting you to breastfeed.
I'd casually send him links to information about how nutritious and beneficial breastfeeding is.
Get another family member of friend to go to the shops. This is awful behaviour as it will negatively affect your milk supply and your ability to breastfeed.
As a mother who could not breastfeed DC1 and suffered PND as a result, I urge you to address this. I breastfed DC2 and it was wonderful. Don't let him ruin this.