Amicable divorce

[littlematchstickgirl]

Hello all, I was hoping for some advice please.

My husband and I have had issues for a few years but have ignored them. Both felt unappreciated, etc. Never fighting, but we have slept in separate rooms for over a year, etc. No intimacy for longer. We have three children - early teen and under.

He doesn't love me any more and we have said we will divorce - it's not right to continue as we are. Does not want to attend counselling as it is too late. I had very serious surgery a few years ago and pulled away afterwards, became a bitter person. I slowly killed off the love he had for me. I can't undo this, he has said he doesn't hate or blame me and nothing we have had together was a mistake. He is a good man, it's such a shame it has come to this. It's so sad, I'm so sad.

What do we need to consider for an amicable divorce? Similar earnings so we should split things equally, we do 50/50 childcare already due to work commitments. I'd like to buy him out of the house (if I can afford this on one salary) and he would get another place nearby. He has agreed. We do not want to fight and want to have this affect the children as little as possible, although of course it will do.

Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated in this sad time. Thanks in advance

I’m sorry this is happening to you OP, it’s always so sad when a marriage ends. My advice to you is to move fast to get things agreed and finalised so you can both move on. XH and I divorced within a year, we used unreasonable behaviour as the grounds so no waiting. Minimal lawyer involvement to save money. It can work but don’t let it drag on, you both need certainty.

ExH and I divorced amicably, took a year. He would have preferred to work it out but I didn't want to.

We agreed how to split the assets and contact. I suggested what I thought was fair and he agreed. I filed and cited unreasonable behaviour (as the person who files has to cite it against the other). I gave him a heads up what the reasons were and that my solicitor was exaggerating them slightly so he didn't get a shock or think I'd said exactly those things. I had grounds enough anyway tbh.

It was tough at first but we have always put the DCs first and 2 years later we exchange Christmas cards and he came for dinner. We chat st the door and have done each other the odd favour.

As upsetting as divorce is, ensuring that there is no bitterness and acting like adults is key with children always being put first. I think this breaks down when 1 party is a dick, arguing over assets, using children as pawns etc becomes the focus rather than navigating through as pain free as possible.

Thank you for your advice.

Yes, we want to avoid getting nasty and greedy. We want the children to be as ok as they can be, it's so difficult to navigate.

I think I knew it was coming, but I'm still shocked. We both put our heads in the sand until I asked him outright to decide :-(

@littlematchstickgirl I am in a similar position and I am relieved to see someone else thinking it through too as I read so many threads on here and think that many people would think I was being selfish on the kids because it would be amicable. What are you thinking about custody?

Sorry you're going through this. Even when it's amicable and voluntary, it's so very sad. Me and exh separated in a similar fashion nearly 2 years ago and we're waiting for the 2yrs to do a no fault divorce. We've done the financial bit already and sold the family home, splitting the assets 60/40 to me as he's the higher earner. We've both bought houses 10mins away from each other. We have 50/50 care of the dc and he paid me spousal maintenance for an agreed period of time too so I could get on my feet with my career etc. We used a coparenting agreement to start with which helped iron out a few things, and we regularly message about the kids. It's as amicable as it could be I think. Further proof that there was no love lost to begin with though

Good luck, its an emotional roller-coaster. It would have been my 10yr anniversary today...

Reading with interest. I think we are heading this way too and I want to know how we can separate with as little nastiness for the sake of the children.

@Misty9 what is a co-parenting agreement and how does it work? Did solicitors draw it up?

@MrsSiba it was just a template I found and we used it to discuss lots of aspects which might come up. I think I used the one on Amicable's website. We didn't get solicitors involved.

Thank you @Misty9, I'll look it up

Hope you are doing ok. It must be hard, especially with such a significant anniversary. Stay strong 🌟

@PeteringOut - we do 50/50 at home already due to working patterns, so we would continue in the same way, but between two houses I guess.

I suppose the plan is the above, but we separate and live in two homes. I want to keep the current home, but it's going to be a big mortgage for me to do so and in need to assess carefully, as I'd have to buy him out 50/50. He says if that's what I want to do, then ok. Alternative is we sell this place, half the proceeds and both buy other places - I'd rather not lose this place though. It's the only home the children know and I love this home, I don't want to leave.

Aaah. We are now just carrying on over the festive period. We must talk again in the new year.