I’m at breaking point. If you were a broken mess and felt past it, did you ever find love?

[Lannaaa]

In a very dark place at the moment. I know that exercise, keeping busy, focusing on the positives, therapy etc etc are the things to do. I know nobody can make this better. I’m just in a total pit that I am single at 36. I’m 37 next year and just sitting here thinking about it terrifies me. How have I got to this point and not settled down?

I know there’s other things in life, other ways to have a family, more to life than a relationship, yes I get it all. But I am so sad to have missed out. I feel so low and down... has anyone’s life turned around like this? Has anyone found things got better and if so how? I know asking for nice stories won’t mean I will have that but for tonight it would be nice to cling on to some idea that there’s at least hope out there. I’m at breaking point. My biggest fear is that I can’t actually envisage feeling close to anyone anymore, I’m so bruised by past relationships ending and feel exhausted by it all that I actually can’t imagine looking at someone and feeling happy and secure. Has anyone been here and have a happy tale?

Anyone? Hopeful boost!

Im 37 in January and have had one relationship that lasted 4 years.

I cant imagine trusting someone else again and so many of my friends are in relationships I wonder what I did wrong 😂.

I dont imagine this help but there are other people who know your pain and Christmas is tough on us all.

I cried to my husband last night as I told him about how I felt xmas 5 years ago, for all these same reasons. I was living with my parents, single, heartbroken, anxious, depressed, 7 out of my 8 best friends were pregnant.
5 years later I have a 3 year old, a baby, and a lovely husband, and a lovely new house.
It was a whirlwind, and it’s worked out better than I could have imagined.
In a years time your life could be unrecognisable, in a good way!

You still have time, but I know it must feel awful right now.

I hope 2021 brings you good things.

@123456kent that’s lovely! I can’t for one moment imagine it at all. Where did you meet?

The whole time he was sitting next to me at work. Both in serious relationships, not looking at eachother in that way at all. Both got our hearts broken, and ended up confiding in eachother. Then shocked everyone with a scandulously quick pregnancy. We’re as happy as the next couple I believe. I was honestly so low 5 years ago I wondered if I wanted to carry on anymore, and now with 2 lovely babies I’m so glad I did!! I know lots of whirlwind romance stories of people on their 30s as well

All the good men arent gone by your age, my husband is one of the great ones, he was just married to someone else and that didnt work out through no fault of his own, so I got him on the second go!! Perfect! Great people go in and out of relationships

Trust me, I'm a lot older and one thing I've learnt is you are far far better on your own than shackled to someone who makes you miserable x

Ah I needed to read this tonight too. Fingers crossed for you OP.

I was single for 10 years, met someone aged 37 and was pregnant within six months. Also bought a flat before the baby was born. It can all happen very quickly when you're older!

@Justcallmebebes

Trust me, I'm a lot older and one thing I've learnt is you are far far better on your own than shackled to someone who makes you miserable x

Absolutely this. It is such a good quality to be ok on your own.

I was in the same position as you. Now I'm about to turn 40 and have a lovely partner and a baby and we're hopefully about to move to a gorgeous house. I never thought this would happen to me and at 37 was sick and tired of being single for years and about to freeze my eggs. Keep the faith - life can totally change in an instant and things can turn out how you never expected, I promise.

I have a good friend who was single for a good while and met her now fiancé age 42 - they actually met through a mutual friend at a party but then again on an online dating site. He is a good man and they are very happy together.

6 years ago my partner had left me-he loved to play with my mental health
I’d been raped
I had a breakdown and my kids ended up living with my (narc) parents

Now?
I’m with the most amazing man-who adores me
I got the kids back
And I’m in a job I love
And I have some amazing friends

Don’t give up-you never know what’s round the corner

Namechanged because of the level of detail, but I wanted to tell you about how my life panned out.

I married a childhood sweetheart as we were together for over 15 years. Turns out he spent the last year cheating. He destroy d my confidence, had chased all of our friends away with his behaviour and had become violent. I had gained lots of weight and lost all self-esteem.

We divorced, I moved back to my hometown at at 35 I felt completely washed up. I found some friends at work who helped me with the self esteem after a very drunk confession about how much I was struggling. I picked myself up; very much a case of take it until you make it but I actively tried to improve my life. Got a hobby, started exercise to feel good about myself. I finally joined online dating and after some weird dates, a few short term things I met him. He proposed after 1 year to the day of our first date when I was 38. We got married at the very start of this year, just as I turned 39.

I never thought it would happen, but it did and it could happen for you too.

So nice to read, thank you.

I feel so battered and bruised I honestly don’t think I could feel anything for anyone again. I’m so sad.

I came out of a marriage when I’m I was 37, had a fling with a lovely man but it was never going to be long term (I too was batters and bruised) 6 years ago I met someone in very unexpected circumstances and we were together for 5 and a half years, he was lovely and it was fun but I decided ti end it recently. Currently, I am very happy being single. Give yourself time to heal then go out there with a positive attitude, things will happen as and when. X

You sound like you need to look after yourself a bit. This has been a tough year all around and we are in the depths of winter. Have you spoken to your doctor or someone in real life about how you are feeling? Things will get better and brighter, but it sounds a bit like you need some real life help and support

It’s true what they say about finding things when you aren’t looking.
I am 37, single for a year and have a toddler. Never thought anybody would want me and my self confidence was really low from my previous relationship. I joined online dating and went from one bad date to another. Everybody I met had a fatal flaw. It was so depressing I gave it up. I soon realised that being single was actually really good!
I was still chatting as friends to a guy I’d met in summer but didn’t fancy. Well, things are very slowly starting to develop. We are great friends and he is my bubble. We see each other 2 or 3 times a week and in the last couple of months have started a physical relationship.
Honestly, he is awesome, everything I want in a man but we are both battered from previous relationships and our walls are up.

We are meeting for a walk with our children today. I’m not saying we are going to live happily ever after but he has proved their are good men out there and hopefully one day things will develop into a relationship we can both really appreciate.

There are a few good men out there, it's pot-luck as to if you find them.
But....importantly you have to build your life so you are happy being single.
If you don't do this you will shackle yourself to a loser and miss out on finding one of the gems.