Partners family don't like me because of his lies and behaviour

[tryingtobeme83]

To cut a long story short,
My partner is very unpredictable. Drinks a lot, has impulsive behaviour, does what he wants when he wants to.
We have a child.
He has put me through so much this past year (I won't go into the ins and outs)
He phones his family at every opportunity he gets if we have an argument. Tells them complete lies about me and turns the row onto me, blames me, and passes his behaviour off as mine.
Last week I did the Christmas present run for, and with him. His mum spoke to me like utter shi*
We drove off she wouldn't even look me in the eye but she looked at him and kept saying "I love you loads"
I overheard a conversation he had with her the other day where she told him not to listen to me and she doesn't see us having a future.
He didn't defend me or admit the things he's done.
This isn't a pity party, but it's extremely hard being the person who is being treated like this, and have them behave like this to me like this is on me.
I know I should leave him and have been moving things on to leave.
But how should I respond to all this going on? With his family

His family aren’t the problem. Ignore them. Carry on with your plans to leave him.

It will be virtually impossible to overcome the smear campaign he is doing to you with his family. They will never believe you over him and "rising above it" or "confronting it" will be useless.

You just have to move on - but even then - he will continue to do this. It sucks.

Only one thing redeems you following a smear campaign. Time. Get as far away as you can and from now on, you focus on your own life, your own home, your own job, your relationships, your self esteem, self=development, stay fit and healthy and don't get in to debt, drink too much, stay on course..

my mother in law used to carry on like i was a mentally ill lunatic who drove her son to be abusive to me. 13 years after leaving her crazy angry son, I've achieved a lot. kids are well and happy. I've proved her wrong but I no longer CARE.

My partner is very unpredictable.
Drinks a lot,
has impulsive behaviour,

He has put me through so much this past year

He phones his family at every opportunity he gets if we have an argument. Tells them complete lies about me and turns the row onto me,
blames me,

and passes his behaviour off as mine.

His family aren't the problem. he is

It's on you to end this relationship and stop allowing yourself to be treated this way, which will continue for as long as you're with him.

My partner is very unpredictable. Drinks a lot, has impulsive behaviour, does what he wants when he wants to.
We have a child.
He has put me through so much this past year (I won't go into the ins and outs)

Why on earth are you with him?

I don’t see a future for you either. He sounds horrendous.

His family aren't the problem. They are a distraction from the problem.

When are you leaving? Do you have a safety plan?

yeh, you can't push water uphill. This not going to work

But how should I respond to all this going on? With his family

Sorry OP I didn't answer your question. Don't respond- you're planning on leaving him so you won't have anything to do with them very soon. Just disengage. Let him see them and facilitate a relationship with your daughter with them if he wishes. No more presents- he can do that.

You leave. That's it. That's how to deal with his behaviour his mistreatment, his anger, his tantrums, his lies , his manipulation. Leave.

His family aren't the problem, just see how they change their tune when you leave him.
You have a child they'll be in touch.
Keep everything you can, keep notes especially regarding his drinking and unreliability. Could come in useful if he goes for 50/50 residency.

Urghhh how unattractive. A man who goes running to mummy to tell tales about his partner, lies and won't fess up. Sorry op but I couldn't be with someone like this.

Fuck him! Lyn!

Ltb even 🤨

You have to leave him. New year, new star.

Ltb. Very easy decision.

His family know wlexactly who he is. Rheyve enabled it his whole life. They will probably always choose to 'believe' him. They are likely as disordered as he is. They will never choose to believe you over their son. Only exception being as pp said, in time after you leave. Because he may have turned his abuse onto them then. But even then, give them a wide berth.

Get yourself safely away from him. Anyone who believes the shite he says...their opinions dont matter because they either arent good people or dont even know you.

*exactly
*they've

I completely take on everyone's points. Do you know when you write something down and you already know what advice you'd give if it wasn't yourself going through this. I would tell anyone to get out.

@Wanderlusto
I've been thinking exactly the same. His family ARE enablers

i had a partner who told lies about me to all his family. It was my house so I chucked him out. i don't have time for all that nonsense and won't live with a man like this.

When you have someone toxic like this in your life (I had my dad) it's so frustrating to know that some people believe their lies. My dad poisoned a lot of his family against me. They are lost to me, as far as I am concerned, I don't have aunts, uncles etc on his side (other than the ones who fell out with him...lol). For those who choose to believe the lies and ignore who your husband is, unfortunately you can never convince them. You know it. Write them off. It sucks and it's so unfair but there is nothing you can do.

If you do break up, make sure you shut down information about yourself to your ex. No social media, tell him nothing about your life. If the kids tell him stuff don't confirm or deny it just say 'oh he said that, how interesting!). Avoid keeping shared friends unless you know you can trust them.

Don’t put your energy into convincing his family he is the problem.... it’s such a waste of energy. When you leave him you should never speak to them again so not an issue. Also they’ve known him far longer than you.... they know it but don’t want to see it so easier for them to believe it’s you.