Sulky husband - sex

[twinkletoes100]

TBH my DH and I aren't really "clicking" at the moment. Being stuck in house together re covid and some other stuff about me feeling he is not pulling his weight in the relationship. He is currently upstairs in what can only be described as a sulk. This morning, (I think) he was angling for sex. I have all 3 of my teenage children at home asleep, but the layout of our house makes means I have 1 room directly either side of the wall our bed is next too and eldest directly underneath us. I have no problem with my children know I have a sex life but them hearing it is a different thing and is a real turn off for me. He wasn't exactly trying it on - just hinting "the kids won't be up for ages" and then went in a huff when I started to read a book. left the room, pretty much ignoring me now. It wasn't as if we were kissing/cuddling or even really in conversation at the time, and there is a lack of connection at the moment - so I am not feeling particularly amours at the moment even without the kids thing. He has such an easy life in our relationship (bone of contention that I am trying to change) but thinks like this make me feel guilty and I am sick of it. That is another story really. How do others feel about sex with teenage/adult children around? Am I being over sensitive to this situation? I feel like I can't enjoy it in these circumstances but DH makes me feel bad about it.

Are there enough times when your kids go out? What do you mean when you say he has an easy time?

Nothing more attractive than a sulky husband

We have the same issue, we have a small house and older dc. The dc bedrooms attach to ours. We simply don't have sex when they are in the house. Both myself and my dh feel uncomfortable. But they aren't his dc so they go to their DF eow, so we do make the effort and DTD Saturday and Sunday when they aren't around. I'm not sure how we'd ever get the chance without this opportunity.

It seems miscommunication is the problem here.

Your husband probably thinks something along the lines of ‘we’re not getting on so well, therefore some sex and bonding will help’ and it allows him to feel close to you, not realising that for women we need the emotional connection first.

How about spending a ‘date’ day (even if it’s at home)?

Re the teenage children and sex, yes I agree it is off putting, but equally if you were in the mood for it and were both feeling the desire then you’d find a way to do it and ensure they don’t hear!! It can add to the thrill, but only if you’re both in that frame of mind and it sounds like your relationship as a whole needs more investment for it to be in that place.

Sex is really difficult with teenagers/young adults in the house. We’ve had a real drought since March. On Christmas Eve I suggested using the opportunity when my middle DS was at work, and the younger one gaming with his friends at about 7.30 pm. Not my fave time but in bed at night seems nearly impossible with so many people in the house. I’d still go for it but it really puts my DH off.

I find that most teenagers are int heir rooms with music/facetime/TV/gaming headphones. Unless you are super noisy I wouldn't let it put me off

Your husband probably thinks something along the lines of ‘we’re not getting on so well, therefore some sex and bonding will help’ and it allows him to feel close to you, not realising that for women we need the emotional connection first

This 100%. For both genders when considering their own and their partners perspectives.

There are plenty of very satisfying activities that won’t disturb someone in another room. Some of them require very little time or effort whatsoever. And can be one partner for the other on a particular occasion.

You’re not being over sensitive so much as you’re not talking about the actual issue.

Perhaps be open and have it out with him that it’s about the bit at the top - not pulling weight.

He might not like it but it will make sense as a reason and he can do something about it.

Though your dilemma then will be that sugar is a little boys reward for doing all his chores - which can be problematic in itself.

Hard to say without knowing when you last had it and how many times has he tried it on since you last had it.

If it's normally pretty regular and last time was 2 days ago then yes he's an arse. But if its been many months and he's tried multiple times then it's understandable

Does it have to noisy enough for them to hear? We learned to do it quietly years ago when we used to stay at my parents. Came in very useful when we had young DC. Teens are well old enough to understand they shouldn't come into your room without knocking and if they guess what you are up to then so what? They are learning that sex is a normal part of a loving relationship.

I'm surprised no-one has really picked up with the real underlying issue here.

Perhaps if he pulled his weight a little and behaved like a partner should, OP may not be feeling resentment towards him. Resentment is probably one of the biggest passion killers I know.

If it's normally pretty regular and last time was 2 days ago then yes he's an arse. But if its been many months and he's tried multiple times then it's understandable

Its never understandable, he should be trying to resolve this like an adult not having a tantrum like a sulky 2 year old.
Sulking never led to sex in my marriage, neither did sitting about while I did all the work. You want sex then pull your weight and act like an adult.

@HollowTalk, @PizzaForOne@madcatladyforever@Anothernick - we would normally have sex once if not twice a week. This is a Christmas holiday thing, and the situation in my house is you can hear someone fart/sneeze next in the next room. I feel like my husband doesn't care how I feel about it as long as his needs get met, and then reaacts in a passive aggressive way. I have zero sex drive if my kids are in the next room and don't feel it should be an issue for a week or two.

@LastDayOfMay, @Treacletoots - it is definitely more than just this situation. This is an example of how I feel I how no say in my own home. DH doesn't work (long story - but the crux is he promised in August to get a job and has done sweet FA), and yet still feels like he has the power to say we won't get a new carpet in the living room when I am the one paying for it. He is physically attractive, and a very good lover but his other traits after 25 years leave me feeling hollow and overwhelmed by life

Oh come on. Teenage children, he doesn't work, lords it around the house, decides how to spend the money you earn, sulks because you don't want sex we he does and you are asking if you are being unreasonable!!
Of course you aren't, get rid of the useless fucker and have a much better life.

So is it traits he’s displayed over the last 25 years or his inability to find paid work since August this year?

Or paid work quite as lucrative as he’s enjoyed in the preceding 25 years?

Jobs above a certain level don’t come around that often at the best of times let alone now.

Your salary or savings might buy new carpets but what or who’s making next months mortgage? And the month after?

Fuck that for a game of solders he’d be told straight eh no ta you lazy arsehole oh and if you think sulking is working no it ain’t mate so pack it fucking in.

Time to get your house in order and make those changes for you not him.

There's few things less sexy than a man who makes you feel bad for not feeling sexy. Just saying.

This is MN bingo.

Doesn’t work
Controls finances (that he doesn’t earn)
Doesn’t pull his weight
Demands sex
Sulks

Have to say I wouldn’t want to have sex if my teens could hear us either. That’s just grim.