Stay or go ?

[Sunnytree90]

Been with dh 17 years, married, we have 2 dc under 14.
We have a lovely life - holidays, beautiful house, financially secure. Me and dc want for nothing (within reason). We live in a wonderful small cul de sac where we have street parties (when covid permits), we have finally found our 'place' in a fab street. Life just happens, the house set up is everything I ever wanted. We've made the house for life to be easy for us ie loads of space, a huge fully stocked larder which means we never run out and we can stock up, man cave for dh, garden for dc to enjoy playing football. Hot tub. We back onto a nature reserve and enjoy lots of wildlife in the garden. It really is lovely. BUT ...
I don't fancy dh anymore, I don't want sex, I cannot bear for him to touch me. No amount of counselling/talking to him is going to fix that. He has never been someone who loves sex that much anyway. I generally do my own thing and he does his.
Hes planning a fabulous holiday for the children next year, they will love it. He couldn't take them alone (other factors that I can't mention on here). I would love them to go. I have an easy life. But im bored and lonely and want sex. What to do.

You have to weigh up what is important to you OP. Some people would do anything to have what you have. Sex is a important part of a relationship/marriage would you sacrifice sex for what you have? Maybe try some sort of therapy first. The grass isn’t always greener? Is your DH a good man?

You say a lot about the material /physical aapects of your current life, creature comforts etc. You say very little about your relationship and your husband. Do you still like him? Did you ever fancy him? Have you tried counselling by yourself?

You think long and hard. You could rip the family apart and be single for ever. Wpyld you be happier.
You could split up and find someone for sex - then hit menopause and not want sex. Would you be happier.
You could stay and appreciate all that you have and decide that sex is just a small part of a relationship that you will sacrifice for the rest of your life of happiness and comfort.
We make sacrifices for our families. Sometimes we put their needs first. Is this one of those situations? Or is that too much for you? Be careful what you wish....the grass isn't always greener.

Imagine giving it all up and the your husband meets someone else who fits into your old life and loves it. How would you feel then?

I don't fancy dh anymore, I don't want sex, I cannot bear for him to touch me. No amount of counselling/talking to him is going to fix that.
You said this and then
But im bored and lonely and want sex.
I’ll just say be careful what you decide. Just know the grass is not always greener. You can try counselling, if you still fancy your husband and the life you have, you can talk to him and be willing to adjust.
I don’t know how old you are but as you have been together for 17 years, relationships evolve over time especially with children so even if you leave and meet someone else, you can guarantee that it won’t always be in a honeymoon phase, esp not after 17 years.
if you’re generally happy in your current relationship and your DH is a good husband and father, always keep that at the back of your mind with every decision you want to take.

Same situation, except we've done the counselling etc. It's incredibly hard, and I know all too well how stuck it makes you feel. I wish I had the answer for you

@Sunnytree90

So do you ever talk about life together?

I'd leave before I ended up having an affair. You can't go without sex for the rest of your life.

A therapist could certainly help talk you through your issues and figure out a way forward - whether that’s to stay together, try new things, date nights etc. Or give you the confidence to walk away. You could also try sex therapy.

I’ve read this exact post before, along with a dream holiday being planned for next year.

You were given quite a bit of sensible advice on that post, if I remember correctly.