My ex just texted me (loving slap or handhold, you pick)

[peachpietree]

Name changed as outing!

My ex texted me a few hours ago saying "Merry Christmas to the most charismatic peach tree on the planet" (his nickname for me was always Peach or Peaches, so this doesn't sound as weird in context).

However, I've been half-assedly trying to phase him out of my life as we've kept in contact for the past 3 years and he usually crops up when he's having relationship difficulties or needs some nostalgic attention. I've been providing this for him because it's an unhealthy form of escapism for me, but I've had enough of it.

He's got this long slew of exes that he's in touch with, (which I only learned quite recently) and something's just clicked that I'm actually not special. And he's not really that special either. He was my "first love" kind of thing which meant we were always emotionally attached and overly dewy-eyed to one another but I realise how little that means when there's no chance we will ever be friends again.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if I should send him a message to very politely and non-aggressively let him know this? He's the type to always keep bouncing back if I don't respond (this text is partial evidence of that from me cutting a conversation short a few weeks back) so I feel like I need a closing statement to clear the air and
--make him bugger off- provide closure. Normally I might just ghost, but I think that would cause more tension and texts from him.

If anyone can provide some advice or verbally slap me into action as per the thread title, that'd be great! Thank you.

Can't you just block him?
He will assume you've changed your number.
No harm done.
I agree, you're not that special to him, why let him just dip in and out as he likes with nothing in it for you?

Just ignore him.

'Who's this (sorry)?'

He tends to find me on other accounts if I stop responding or block him, so preferably putting some kind of death knell and then blocking him seems like the way to go. That way I won't feel guilty if he wants to try and find me in other places, because I've explained myself clearly and politely.

Bump 😬

OP, something tells me you're not actually ready to cut all ties. If you were, you'd block him with no warning. If he finds you in another platform, you block him on that (or, better yet, preemptive blocks on social media, then reactionary blocks if he still manages to pop up).

Those are the actions of people who really do want to cut and run for good. I think you're convincing yourself you need to make some grand statement because you secretly want some sort of response / reaction.

I could be wrong but that's how it feels reading your posts. If you're really truly don't, then block without warning. If you're still hoping for something more, just cut out the games and tell him!

I've had loads of ex's and the ones that keep trying to bounce back get blocked - I don't owe them an explanation, that was done at the time we finished.

Would he bounce back from a straight "fuck off"?

Sounds like he needs one...

Those are the actions of people who really do want to cut and run for good. I think you're convincing yourself you need to make some grand statement because you secretly want some sort of response / reaction.

I think you're probably right @lionobserving, I reckon the knowledge that the relationship (and by default me) wasn't as special as we exaggerated maybe makes me seek out a final form of validation or attention.

But I also know he's put my friends and family in awkward positions when he's tried to contact them after I've stopped responding to him previously, and I'd like to be able to say "No, there's no ambiguity here, I said I wasn't going to be in communication and this is why". So I guess it's partially ego and partially for moral defense purposes? I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I don't want to be made to feel like a bad guy or the "ghoster" if that makes sense.

So TLDR: Yes, you're right to a certain degree but there's a lot of irritating backstory. Sorry if I'm dripfeeding, trying to tow the line between honest and outing.

Text back 'Not interested in being one of your various back-up options. Best if we don't keep in touch. Bye!'

Oh, I'm tempted @Bluesername, believe you me

Here is in case you need it

@Bluesername

glug, glug

I think I might just draft something quick like "I appreciate your well wishes but I think it would be best to leave this friendship in the past now. I won't be responding to any more messages, but I hope you have a great 2021." and then just immediately block him.

Is this clear enough without being accusatory? I usually err on the side of politeness, but I need this to be done now. I just want a clean break, and I think this is a quick way of doing this without him going crazy.

He sounds stalker like. Who contacts family and friends if they can't get hold of an old acquaintance (which is what you now are)? Delete and block. Zero contact. He's not going to go happily away because you ask him too. Your friends and family can be told what you've done but that shouldn't be necessary. Why do none of you have boundaries with him? All they need to say is: I don't know why she hasn't been in contact, I'm busy now I must get on, bye. On repeat. Look up narcissistic harem, that's what you're in.

Your message is fine. Do it now then block on everything. Make sure you delete too

It’s been 3 years and he’s making contact with family and friends of yours

No he needs told to fuck off

Your family and friends know your not together so why would it be awkward

Time to rip the plaster of and block everywhere

Family and friends come to you with oh ex has been in contact
You go “and not together” sorted.

He looks like a prize twat

A text that suggests that you've changed but he's still the same, clearly... is probably the most hurtful to him effective

Do not engage with him at all. That is what he wants and be honest with yourself if you send the message you plan you will wait and see if he replies and then you will reply for closure and so on. Block. Contact any friend or family you think he may contact and advise them to block him in advance or tell them that you do not want any messages from him so not to pass them on.

So I've just sent him a message saying; "Hi Name. Merry Christmas, thank you for the good wishes. I just wanted to let you know that I think it would be best to leave our friendship in the past. I hope you have a pleasant 2021. Goodnight." and I've blocked him!

Huzzah! It's a Christmas miracle!

Wooo! And stick to it OP

Remember- sometimes getting no message IS A MESSAGE

X

Thank you @Tinacolladaina!
He's a total bastard actually, I'm glad to be rid of him
Roll on 2021!

Well done!

Well done OP!