I just need help.

[RenM]

I've been married 3 years. The first year and a bit - he was a drunk and abused me but most importantly - strangled my cat one night (shes ok, I made sure of that) anyhow I left him. Met someone new but hubby constant messaged. He told me it was my fault for his suicide attempt which played on my head plus other things that ended up with me doing the same. I've gone through a year of heart tests etc due to the medication I took to OD badly effecting my heart. Thankfully by Gods will my heart returned to normal.

Fast forward to now after splitting for 6 months I went back to him. We only moved in with each other 2 weeks ago and so far hes called me a bitch, stupid, child, idiot, selfish etc. And when his family came over he acted like I never let him do anything by saying "ask the lord of the house" referring to me whenever they asked him a question. They even had to ask me if he could go to theirs as he told them I wouldnt let him. Now its Christmas, I had no joy in the morning when he opened his presents. I was jealous of the neighbours having fun. So I spoke to him, told him I want to leave. He did not take it to well. I'm apparently guilt tripping him in to taking me home. Bear in mind hes the only driver and a week previous he did say he would take me home if I felt bad - I'm 6 hours away from my home, with a dog and 2 cats and all my belongings. Hes refusing to take me back even with the offer of petrol money. My family cant get me as the only driver has fallen ill. (Licence has been taken away) and now I feel stuck living with what feels like a moody teenager. One moment hes being mean and saying I'm cruel then the next hes trying to have banter and my head is so confused.

What do I do? I dont know how much of it I can cope with

Oh OP feel for you. Have you friends you would be able to ask tomorrow for their help, pay petrol money to tocome help you? Most people should be less tied up than usual xmas wise, is there anyone you can think of? Let them know you feel unsafe. Don't blame yourself, just stay resolved in the fact that you made a mistake in going back and stay away from him for good.

You know he is bad news, do you need to get yourself out of there. Can you get a taxi or Uber to take you? Or some ind friends or neighbours?don’t stay there a minute longer than you have to.

Are there local facebook pages for the place that you are living and where your family are from. Could you post looking for a lift?

Why the hell did you return to a man who STRANGLED YOUR CAT??

Sorry OP....I think you need to have a word with yourself!

Leave. Going back was a mistake, he's a nasty manipulative creep who doesn't make you happy. You know that now.

Leave, block him, never go back.

Could the PDSA help by lodging your pets for you? Call women’s refuse for advise
on how to leave www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
Tell your partner you WILL call the police if he kicks off as you leave.
Clearly he is abusive. You MUST leave. The sort of man who would strangle an animal is only one row away from physically abusing you and your pets again.

Please people be kind to OP, domestic abusers mess with your head to the point that it can be hard in the middle of it all to see the obvious (yes of course agreed it’s a huge red flag that he strangled your cat OP but I think you do know this deep down). I’ve been through it myself and look back and think WTF was I thinking?! But it can be crazymaking. OP has already decided to get the hell out of there which is a great plan, she just needs some moral support thinking through the practicalities of doing this now.

I agree if you have any friends/neighbours/relatives that would drive you for petrol money then call them! Would a taxi be in your financial reach? Or could you manage on a train with the animals and worry about picking up possessions later?

And don’t ever go back this time no matter what! Please have a look at the Freedom Programme which can be accessed directly online (just google it) or via Women’s Aid etc. It will help you to recognise the red flags of abuse and resist being drawn back into this or another abusive relationship. You deserve better.

I think if you can find any way at all of getting out (with your animals) you need to do so. Please do not ever get back with him again, he is bad news. If he threatens suicide, or blames you for suicidal thoughts, that is most certainly not your fault - he is manipulative and nasty and you deserve much better. Any man who strangled my cat would be lucky not to be strangled himself, and personally I couldn't care less what happened to him. Good luck.

Op this is not your fault. Women are trained to believe we should commit our all to a marriage. I’m really glad you’ve realised it was a mistake to try again.

Can you think of anyone who could come and collect you? A friend? I know public transport is tricky right now

Another option might be the police. They have specialist DV squads. If you call and explain you just need help to return to your family, explain a little of the history with your H they may be able to help you or find someone who can.

Can you pretend you had too much to eat over Xmas and feel unwell to get some time away from H. Say it might be something you ate or a tummy bug so you don’t want to make him sick?

I am sending you strength, you’ve done a great thing in reaching out here. Please take care

I don’t get why you entertained the idea of spending a second more of your life with a guy who strangled your cat . Wtf were you thinking .
You need to leave , get an Uber , taxi , public transport , ask on Fb if anyone is going that way , even half way , exhaust all avenues . Go home , learn from this . This twat has already wasted enough of your life . Don’t ever meet up with him again , unless you like being with vile abusive wankers .

If you're in the U.K. then there is a scheme to help via Women’s Aid.

www.womensaid.org.uk/rail-to-refuge/

That's a little too much is it not? For your information sweet, we do not have kids. I do not want to have kids with him hense why I'm more constant checking with that. I would never bring a kid into this situation as it is not fair to them - HENSE why now I am wanting to leave because I'm thinking of my animals safety rather than my own. Also just so you know, I struggle to have kids - never once had a pregnancy scare and I'd love to be a mum. That alone hurts like hell so having someone like you say that? It's a little too much. I may be idiotic enough to go back, but you do not know what I had to go through with his behaviour and why I didnt have much of a choice going back. Please think before commenting like that

Thank you all so much. I will get out, for sure. Unfortunately the only friend I have isnt able to do it. I can try the train itll just be a little difficult as i would have to definitely bring my university work plus laptop with me to keep that going. Thank you all for the advice I'll definitely be using to get back home! ♡♡

You need to leave.

Do you have a friend at home that would come and get you?

Rail fares are free are they not for women fleeing domestic violence?

Update!

I left him on Boxing day! I'm back with family, still a little drained with the situation but the animals look so much happier.

Thank you all for your comments and support. I appreciate it ♡♡♡♡

Brilliant! Well done!!!

Another update! (If anyones in my situation, read these!)
I've got a non molestation order for a year! I'm in the middle of divorce, fell inlove with my best friend of 6 years and live with them. I have a full time job and a business! Thank you to all of you for the support, I'm glad I got out ❤❤❤