Mum belittling and swearing at kids and me

[Daddygold78]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset and thinking my wife and mother of our kids is completely out of order for losing her temper frequently, resorting to phrases like "little sh*", "little prk", "piece of sh" for small infractions by the kids (who are kids after all)?

It's impossible to raise these issues with her as a) She thinks its normal vocabulary in public so whats the problem b) It's misogynistic and controlling of me to tell her how to parent.

Of course this is exactly how she speaks to me. The other thing is if anyone ever dared talk to her that way she would loose it.

What can I do? If this was someone you knew would you report them to social services? How would you feel if this was a father talking to his kids like this?

Thank you all so much for your responses, I am really grateful.

4 Kids are aged between 18 months and 14 years.

She's become more shouty and disinhibited from using foul language over the years. I would not class it as a temporary departure from a calm and pleasant demeanour.

Yes of course there is tiredness but as far as PND I would love there to be a tangible reason like this but honestly I have my doubts. She's more than happy to be bubbly and cheerful to her friends and neighbours. It's like the house is her secret safe place to behave like this.

I am in a stable job. While I don't want to hang my dirty linen in the air I would love to broadcast her behaviour to someone that cares and could help me and could see what sort of person she really is.

Daddy I wanted to say that your wife is abusive. To you and the very young DC. Read Lundy Bancroft Why does he do that? But change the pronoun, and don't let your wife see the book. The most disturbing thing you wrote is that the house is her secret. This is classic abuser behaviour. Street angel. Home devil. I.e. they choose how they behave. She is conditioning you and the kids to grow around HER abnormal behaviour. How r you doing?

What she wants is not relevant to what the law says. The law calls for an equal distribution of assets, if one party is having the majority residence of the children then they would be expected to take a larger share of the housing asset.

If you go for majority residence (which I would, based on not wanting your kids to suffer a minute more of her abuse than necessary, and I'd be going for supervised contact only because of this) then you could walk away with a bigger share of the house and she'd be paying child maintenance.

Realistically she will always try to fuck you up if she can, however it's your job as a parent to protect your children from her and let her abuse off you roll off your back.

I really suggest making a solicitor appointment - I think she's messed with your head so much that you are having difficulty separating what she tells you from actual reality. Once you are armed with FACTS you will have a better idea of what options are open to you.

I really hope you can get yourself and the kids away from her. Nobody deserves to live like this and her abuse is scarring the children on a daily basis. If you stay - you're giving them the message that it's okay to be abused, to be called names, that they are worthless and deserve to be bullied. Please don't let them grow up believing this is normal.