Abusive ex sent me Christmas gifts?

[Razpoot]

I feel very confused right now. I broke up with my ex in November, and we have a baby girl. He was very lazy, very negative, abused drugs, the night we broke up the police got involved as he grabbed my neck and shouted abuse at me and the baby. He is denying he did it to people we know and also the court, with a trial coming up. He's on bail so I've been happy to not have to see him, the lies he was spreading are annoying, but everyday without im glad to have him out of my life. I let him see the baby supervised once a week. As far as I'm aware he dislikes me as he has turned friends against me and shared something about "toxic ex's who pretend they're the victims" obviously referring to me somehow

Yet his mum came at my door yesterday with gifts from him?!? I know if he were still together he never even would have bothered. He really went out of his way to get things he knew i like and expensive toys for the baby. And a card which reads,

On the front: even when we have to say goodbye, love doesn't go away

Inside: I hope you are having a good Christmas. I regret that i can't be spending it with you both. I hope your family are well. Give (baby) a million kisses"

Card text inside: hold on to your memories and the love will stay

Then he signs it with a heart and kisses?!
Somebody explain what hes trying on here because i am so surprised. Is he trying to win my forgiveness? Should i send a card back just thanking him or ignore it? I feel rude at least not thanking him after he got me so much, but its so odd... he still isnt pleading guilty to the court. Maybe he just wants the control of knowing i have to think about him again. I just dont know

I agree with previous posters: he is trying to mess with your head; his mum is trying to protect him; he is a narcissist; you are too nice; he is concerned about how he looks to others.
He is not a good person.

the night we broke up the police got involved as he grabbed my neck

OP This study found that prior non-fatal strangulation was a significant risk factor for attempted or completed homicide of women, strangulationprevention.com.au/

www.nowtolove.com.au/health/sex/beware-the-lover-that-puts-his-hands-around-your-throat-17289

He took an incredible risk with your life when he put his hands to your throat, he risked leaving his baby without a mother. That is the kind of man he is. That is the kind of man that is capable of doing anything and manipulating anybody, including manipulating his own mum to take gifts to your home, he has manipulated friends too. At every step he is downplaying things, probably telling people you are overreacting to an everyday row, hormones or lack of sleep because of the baby but he will soon talk you around and you will be sweet as a nut. He is playing you and he knows exactly which buttons to press because he probably installed a few himself.

You have done the right thing reporting contact from him, but I think you should access support from a domestic violence charity, do not go through this alone, you need specialist support to get you through this.

He's hoping you will drop the case

Don't play his game.
This is all part of a manipulation.
Report to the police and hand over the gifts.
Why would you want gifts from someone who tried to strangle you?

He made an attempt to obstruct your airway that could have easily ended in him ending your life. Never forget that. It is high risk domestic abuse and he will never be safe to be around.

His love bombing and your minimising of his intentions is concerning. Are you working with a domestic abuse advisor (IDVA) or any organisations regarding the domestic abuse?

Who is supervising the contact?
Please report all bail breaches to the police.

Thanks for your replies. He is definetely an extreme manipulator, i see it clearly now in how he has twisted people against me, and posts passionately on Facebook about how much he loves his baby girl, how sad it is he cant see her, pictures of him kissing her, the same girl he took out while drunk that night and shouted around among many other things. All the sympathy comments are infuriating but im trying to keep a level head, at least the people important to me know the truth, and when he is found guilty that will help too.

I have been on the waiting list for women aid since it happened but it is extremely long, lockdown seems to be causing a lot of cases like this to arise also been speaking with victim support. His mum supervises the contact

You know, you don't need to read the bilge he posts on Facebook. It will be better for your state of mind not to see that toxic mess.

@Razpoot petty for informing the police of him breaking his bail. That was his choice not yours.

Let him take responsibility for his actions and let me tell you if it was the other round he would tell the quick time!

Him and his mother are playing you. If he was a stranger you would report him, don't let him being an ex change that. Also it will look badly on you if it comes out. That you aren't that scared of him, that you just took an argument to far.

Contact the police first, do it online ASAP. Keep the gifts to one side for them to see if they need to.

I was to soft on an ex, when he got in trouble he turned the table quickly, he thought I wouldn't find out, but the police told me and he was still sending me sorry cards.

Besides this I hope you have a great Christmas 🎄

If you want to pm me a geographical location I can look at support services. An idva should have been appointed too. Did the police make a referral.

Im glad you reported this letter/card and gifts OP.. he's being very very manipulative .. and will use this in the up and coming court case... so well done reporting it 🌺

He’s manipulating you. You should not have accepted the gifts.

This part of letting go is really hard but very important. Abusers like him use your feelings of guilt and obligation to keep you in line. By reporting him, you've asserted your boundaries. If you keep that up, along with reminding yourself that you have the right to be safe and don't own him anything, you will break free from his hold over you.

Thank you. I am already feeling stronger about it all after reading your replies and a good night's rest. I have already escaped him and i wont put up with him trying to worm his toxicity back into my life no matter how small. Also, for those saying he will use it on court, because of the kind of case it is he is not allowed to make a defense, so luckily that wont be the case. Preparing myself for his mothers backhanded comments over me telling te police but the bottom line is I was happy and comfortable having him out of my life and the bail made me feel safe, and this has took that away from me! Hopefully the police respond soon, i had texted the officer working on the case

His mum should have advised him against it and not been the messenger. A gift for DD alone without the rest would probably have been okay and not made him look worse than he already does.