Does anyone else feel so lonely?

[JustMe41]

I have felt like this for years. Deep down, sometimes not so deep down, I feel lonely and I am starting to wonder if this is just me. If I'm just an intrinsically lonely person and destined to always feel like this.

I have a DP who lives with me, he's lovely in many ways. But he has a stressful job and compartmentalises life. Sometimes he compartmentalises me. He shows his love by buying thoughtful gifts and running errands, but I don't need either of those things, I just want time with him and connection.

It doesn't help that at times like this I miss the old life I had with my ex and our pets. I miss the connection we had, the team work (our pets were high maintenance and a bit of a lifestyle). I know that my DP doesn't offer this and that I've made my choice and many women would be happy with such a lovely man but sometimes I think I could just die from loneliness. Sometimes I wish I was dead just so that I didn't hurt so much.

I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just do what I can to find small happinesses. This is life.

I don’t have a lot of advise as such but do you think perhaps you are a bit depressed? I often feel like this at a certain time of the month and it usually lasts a couple of days. It’s an awful, gut wrenching feeling and seems endless.
I hope you visit your gp and perhaps s/he can organise counselling or other options for you.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad OP. Could you perhaps plan to get a pet after Christmas? I find I’m never lonely now I have a dog 😊

My dh doesn't talk much, he doesn't realise how lonely it makes me feel.

Yes, the death of my last dog a few years has added to my feelings of loneliness. I still miss her. They're great for companionship and I hope you have many happy years together ThisToo. Unfortunately, a pet is not on the cards for now due to work.

Yes @Ogham, I am depressed. I have counselling and we both agree that loneliness, and perhaps a lack of joy in my life, are the cause. (The link between loneliness/lack of connection and depression is pretty well established in the literature).

@carnations23. Have you explained? I have had numerous conversations with DP about it. Sometimes he is defensive and points out how we spent last Thursday night together. Other times he is more understanding, promises to be more emotionally available, but he just can't do it.

You're certainly not the only one and stuck in a situation like this. I would love to be able to communicate and express vulnerability, but can't. It's strange because I'm happy being alone, but in my relationship I'm so lonely.

Some many times have I wondered if I'd be happier alone @Keepithidden. In some ways I think it'd be easier, because then I wouldn't have expectations and be disappointed.

I also know, however, that much as I enjoyed being single and looking after myself, I often felt lonely. Especially on a Sunday evening and especially when doing something lovely on my own and just wishing I had someone to share it with.

Could you get a cat? I'm lucky to have pets and DH won't let the dog upstairs but the cats are allowed and one of them gives me lots of love, especially in the middle of the night if I can't sleep. The other one looks after DD.

Unfortunately a pet is not on the cards for now @PetCheetah.

This is too painful.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low.

Could you explain a bit more about your relationship? So you live together but you feel that you don't actually spend much time together, is that right? Do you know why this is?

Yes. I know exactly how you feel. I have always felt heartbreakingly lonely despite having a husband, two kids and lots of friends.

@JustMe41

many times, he just says he's a quiet person.

@JustMe41 Google "5 love languages". Sounds like his love languages are acts of service and giving gifts whereas yours is quality time. If you both accept each others differences (I.e. he's not deliberately trying to ignore your needs, he just shows love differently) and use more of each other's love languages, it will improve the connection. Obviously you can always choose to end the relationship and find someone who fits your needs better. You're not married or legally committed to him.

@JustMe41 I’m just checking in to see how you’re doing?