Partner obsessed with QAnon

[Anon778833]

Although he says he doesn’t align himself with QAnon, all his views are the same as theirs.

He thinks Trump is a good man and the election was a fraud etc. He thinks Covid is a hoax etc.

Lately,he has been almost constantly on his phone talking to other Q Bots. Usually on LinkedIn. He even talks to them on the phone. We have a 1 year old child. I am so sick of it. Not just that he is talking nonsense but that he’s now spoiling our Christmas.

He is self employed and has earned no money in the last month due to watching videos about this topic all the time. I myself have autism and I get depressed about this. He spent the last two days rushing about getting any old Christmas presents for people because he’s online all the time reading about The Storm. And other such nonsense.

If I ask him to put his phone down, he accuses me of being controlling and says F you etc.

Is anyone else experiencing this from a family member?

What did he have @MellowMelly? He is on the birth certificate, yes.

Previously, he’s had anxiety quite severely but he can also be very impulsive and do wreckless things.

I dont know if this is allowed, sorry if not but you should have a look at a support group on reddit called qanon casualties. Lots of stories like yours and lots of support from people who are going through the same.

Thanks @amber763

I discovered these articles the other day which seem immensely helpful (have friends and family who are conspiracy obsessed)

hassan-4414.medium.com/the-qanon-media-ecosystem-is-not-helping-people-to-exit-1045e0c8c8ee

www.forbes.com/sites/lisettevoytko/2020/08/26/how-to-talk-with-and-maybe-help-someone-who-believes-in-qanon-and-other-conspiracy-theories/?sh=5d3b9fd6412d

www.salon.com/2018/09/16/how-to-pull-a-friend-out-of-the-conspiracy-theory-rabbit-hole/

I think Steven Hassan (first article) and the author of the bottom article both have books about how to help people who have been brainwashed. Might be useful!

@SugarbabyMilly
He has Cluster B personality disorder and OCD. I had no idea really what was going on with him and was struggling to fathom it all out. Then his behaviour became quite reckless and impulsive and he seemed to think that everyone was at his beck and call. If you said no, he just got quite vile and abusive. He also became obsessed with curses and how to cast them. Really sad.

Oh god how awful @MellowMelly. I think there are elements of this in my dp. I have never had an easy relationship with him. He used to keep breaking up with me then say sorry he didn’t mean it. He dumped me one day when we were having a nice meal in a relationship and the next day he was on my doorstep, crying about it.

He can have months of being really stable and dependable then suddenly go off on one. For my whole pregnancy, he was great - really helpful and supported me well when I was in Labour. He seems to adore our little girl and she him but at the moment he’s hard to be around.

He’s had these tendencies to dabble in the ‘occult’ as well. Reiki, contacting psychics etc and using a pendulum to make important decisions 🤨

So it’s not the first time he’s shown that he can be emotionally unstable. However, this time it’s even affecting his work. He regularly pushes people away - overstepping boundaries and asking to many favours until they ask him to stop contacting them.

Run.

@SugarbabyMilly
Your last post is quite eye widening. He sounds much like my friend. Very complex character indeed. I obviously can’t say whether your partner has Cluster B or anything but it might be worth reading about.

Yes complex is the word I would use as well. I don’t think he’s sociopathic but something isn’t right.

He might get better when life returns to normal. Even if he won't take the vaccine, as soon as most people have it we can go back to normal.

I've had friends who were in worse cults (woman hating racist and sex obsessed Roosh stuff) and came out the other end. When people realise they have made a mistake they can be more insightful than someone who never made it in the first place.

@TrailingLobelias I think you may be right. The thing that concerns me most is that he’s never been very stable generally and this is a low point. He does admit that it is affecting his work and that it’s an obsession. We can have a few months of getting on great and I love his company and then it can all turn on its head like at the moment. But he makes me feel that I’m the one with the problem. His job is usually the one thing that keeps him stable and since he can’t do it the usual way due to Covid restrictions I think it’s just made everything fall apart more.

He's pro Trump?

How would he feel if a daughter of his was in the presence of a man who said he feels entitled to 'grab her by the pussy'?

Or is it just women, minorities and poor people he doesn't know who are fair game?

I agree 100% @youvegottenminuteslynn and I’ve put that question to him already. His response is basically that Trump didn’t do/say something. Even if there is clear evidence he did 🤨

I wouldn't bother arguing about US politicians with him. They're all awful and if you attack Trump you wind up having to defend crimes against humanity committed by the democrats like the destruction of Syria, Lebanon, civilian strikes in Yugoslavia, civilian strikes in Pakistan, coup in Honduras etc. They're all murderers.

He should try to do something productive. Do a politics or history degree if he's so interested. It's good training to put your emotions on these matters aside and just learn the facts before you have an opinion.

They are all bad. But Trump has divided Americans to the point that many of them hate each other. And people think their bigoted opinions are ok. The domestic problem is considerable. Most politicians aren’t good people but that’s not really the point is it?

I know people say this can be a result of anxiety and stuff, but from what I read its more to do with personality type. Its the sort of people who like to think they know more than others and are in on the secret. Arrogant types. They also tend to see patterns in things when there isnt one-especially if it benefits them. If I was you Id be getting out after christmas- I couldnt spend my life with somebody who cant identify Donald Trumps behaviour and personality as rancid.

This is a good link and correlates with my experiences of this nonsense and the usual personalities involved. Tiresome is the main word Id use, but they can be more dangerous than that.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/09/180925075108.htm

Thats nonsense, Trailing. We're allowed to have an opinion on one current public figure woithout having to give our opinion on everybody ever. Trump is especially disgusting and divisive in his personality. The difference with him is in his interactions with others and his childlike reactions to daily stuff-if a grown man thinks his behaviour is that of a 'good man' it says all you need to know about their values and ethics in life.

Thank you for this.

@user1471565182

Thats nonsense, Trailing. We're allowed to have an opinion on one current public figure woithout having to give our opinion on everybody ever. Trump is especially disgusting and divisive in his personality. The difference with him is in his interactions with others and his childlike reactions to daily stuff-if a grown man thinks his behaviour is that of a 'good man' it says all you need to know about their values and ethics in life.

This. I probably explained it badly but it was the reason I raised the Trump 'grab em' comment as to me it's one that is a good indicator of a person's moral compass - what he said was inexcusable and undeniable, so for someone who is not a misogynist, it is unacceptable and cannot be explained away, defended or reasonably allow themselves to proactively support him. People who excuse it as 'locker room banter' for example, show themselves to be misogynists. So it's a good way to understand someone's genuine feelings about women and also male entitlement.

Somehow we’ve managed to have a nice Christmas Day, with no talk of Q or Trump and at times like this it’s good. But the problem is it never lasts.

I have never had an easy relationship with him. He used to keep breaking up with me then say sorry he didn’t mean it. He dumped me one day when we were having a nice meal in a relationship and the next day he was on my doorstep, crying about it.

He sounds a very unstable and destructive element in you and your baby’s life regardless of Q Anon.

Being a mother and raising a stable emotionally healthy child takes 100% focus and energy. These early years are critical and set the blueprint of your child’s own stability and they need full attunement from their caregiver. If you are preoccupied, anxious, scared, walking on eggshells, focused on your partners moods - you are not focused on your child’s - you cannot be in two emotional places at once. Worst you child will pick up and absorb your negative anxiety and will feel lost at your loss of focus. This will be internalised as upset, distress and confusion by them and they become unsettled and anxieties bed in and their emotional development is compromised.

Your baby doesn’t need such an emotional toxic manipulative dysfunctional character in your life or their life - Q Anon or not.

Is this a consideration for you?

I'm sorry I just don't think he's worth it.

He's enmeshed with what is at best a crazy time vacuum and at worst a dangerous cult. He swears at you and is not working. You have a small child and need, as another poster has already pointed out, to focus your energies on this, not on worrying about your partner's weird obsession.

What is the point of this relationship? What are you getting out of it?

I completely agree.

But I feel bad about breaking up because she loves him.

The other reason, if I’m honest is that I have a severe back problem (discs) which is not going to get better and my daughter is big for her age so I need someone else to lift her for me just to save my back. I can end up unable to move if it goes into spasms. There isn’t anyone else who could do this if not him. Obviously this is temporary and things will get a bit easier when she learns to walk.