Friends with benefits

[Abcdefgh12345]

Been seeing a guy for 2.5 months.
We've agreed on friends with benefits as we were both not ready for a relationship.

He has treated me to lots of presents. We go out on day trips. Stay over. Cuddle up etc. It's not just sex. He's wanted to see me everyday the last 5 days.

He met a lady a year ago on a dating site. Didn't find her attractive but they remained friends and are now best friends. He's said he thinks she wants more and although he's thought about it. He doesn't.
He sees her a few times a week. Watches films with her etc but doesn't stay over.
He said he has never kissed her or slept with her.
She knows about me but doesn't know we sleep together because he said he's a private guy.

They are spending Xmas and new year together with her family because he doesn't really see his. He's 42.

What do you make of it.
Should I run or are they just friends.

Oh come on...he's having you on! FWB is just a rip off. Most women want a relationship and men use this fashionable crap to give women some hope that they might fall in love and be with them properly.

Don't let him take advantage of you any longer. He's obviously in a relationship with his 'friend' and he's shagging you on the side.

If they're just friends, ask if you can meet her and have a conversation with her.

If it's all above board, he'll be fine with you talking to her.

I think you'll find he won't allow it. Because he's telling you both the same story.

He's said I can meet her and nearly did only a month into it but I decided I didn't want to.

She was at his house when I turned up and he said to come in and meet her. But I just dropped off what I needed to and went as felt awkward.

We're friends on fb and Instagram etc so nothing is being hid apart from we're sleeping together

We're friends on fb and Instagram etc so nothing is being hid apart from we're sleeping together

That's a pretty big "apart from" if she thinks she's in a monogamous relationship with him!! Which I suspect is the case. It would be unusual to visit someone's family for Xmas if you're not a couple, surely? Although I suppose this is an unusual year.

So speak to her directly.

It can only hurt you if he's a big fat lying liar like you don't think he is, right?

You don't think he's sleeping with her...and she doesn't think he's sleeping with you!

He's sleeping with you both.

If you're friends with benefits, it shouldn't really matter. It sounds like you're too emotionally invested for a FWB style relationship with him. You need to be honest with yourself about what you want.

I don't think he'd say you can meet her if he was sleeping with her.

I don't think it's her business if you're sleeping with him.

They are just friends.

Unless he's setting up a polyamorous FAB scenario ?!

If its truly FWB and not exclusive, why does the nature of his relationship with this person, or others, matter?

@Dozer

If its truly FWB and not exclusive, why does the nature of his relationship with this person, or others, matter?

This.

He’s sleeping with you both, though....

@Dozer

If its truly FWB and not exclusive, why does the nature of his relationship with this person, or others, matter?

It matters to op's sexual health if he's claiming she's his only sexual partner but is lying. Plus rude to lie.

But a FWB situation would surely mean using adequate protection for sexual health anyway?

I don’t think it’s fair to flame the guy here, it they’ve both decided on a FWB together, then what he does with the other woman is his business and his business only - FWB don’t invest emotionally in this way they just want a friend - with benefits on the side and thats what you both have.

@FortunesFave

Oh come on...he's having you on! FWB is just a rip off. Most women want a relationship and men use this fashionable crap to give women some hope that they might fall in love and be with them properly.

Don't let him take advantage of you any longer. He's obviously in a relationship with his 'friend' and he's shagging you on the side.

This ^ FWB's is a great way for a man who is often 'not ready to have a relationship' 🙄 to have a relationship without any of the responsibilities. It's a load of bullshit. He's playing you both and is probably telling her exactly the same as he tells you.

Get rid.

Combined with your other thread, I assume you are hoping for more than FWB?

Could he have spent Christmas with you? As you said he had asked to see you 5 days running recently?

If not, then maybe its just a casual arrangement with a genuine friend or maybe she is another FWB, despite his denials.

If he could have spent it with you, sounds like he either prefers her or wants to keep you dangling.

Keeping his options open also comes to mind.
If h

Also if the other woman "wants more" and he doesn't, why is he leading her on by spending Christmas with her?

Seems he likes having plenty of women hanging around. Could there be others?

@ChocolateTea

But a FWB situation would surely mean using adequate protection for sexual health anyway?

You'd hope, but not always. And barrier methods are not always used perfectly, and are not effective against every sti. So you should make informed choices. If you're fwbs he should be open about fucking other people not lie about it and allow you to make an informed choice. It's just good manners.

I am actually a fan of fwb it very much suits me I don't do well in relationships tbh I get "claustrophobic" I like suiting myself and not being answerable to anyone.

BUT it's clear to me :

1 you DO have feelings for him or you wouldn't give 2 hoots about her! I've had several fwb arrangements and been fully aware they and I were sleeping with others which I was fine with but I won't be an "ow" everything has to be open and honest

2 it's also obvious to me he is AT LEAST sleeping with her, given the plans for him to spend Xmas with her families I too strongly suspect she at least THINKS she's in a monogamous relationship with him, which I would not be party to - far too messy!

@category12 and @ChocolateTea

Yes sexual health is a matter that should be dealt with appropriately

SafER sex is no guarantee of not passing stuff on and doesn't protect against all stis anyway so op should be both practising safer sex AND having regular sti tests

Fwb CAN work if everyone involved is on the same page and honesty and safe practise involved. Not if anyone is emotionally over invested or not being safe though.

Op he's mugging you off that's obvious. Cut your losses and move on. Before getting involved with anyone else on any level have a break and really think about what you want and what suits you because I don't think it's fwb type set ups at all. You need to be honest with yourself and anyone you're involved with.