Friends with benefits

[Abcdefgh12345]

Where to start...
I met a guy on a dating site and hit it off straight away.
I wasn't ready for a relationship after not long coming out of one and he felt the same. We agreed on friends with benefits.

He's taken himself off dating sites. It's been 2.5 months of this arrangement.

Over that time he has told me he doesn't want to do the dating thing as it's not serious etc.

He has helped me move house. It's not just sex. We go on long walks with his dog, we spend the evening together cuddled up watching films and sometimes don't have sex. I have been working nights and he has offered me to sleep at his so he knows i definitely get some sleep.
I have finished a night shift, gone to his and he has had a cooked breakfast ready for me.
He has told me to walk into his house rather than knock. When he runs out of certain foods he says "we" need this and that before he buys it.
If it's pouring with rain he asks me to let him know when I get to work
And now he has spent over £100 on me for Xmas.
He has taken me out for a meal
He has told me it's not just about the sex but the company too.

But he still says he's not ready for a relationship but treats me as if we're in one.
I've seen him everyday the last 5 days because he's asked me to.

What do you guys make of this?

Let me add. That he has a female friend he met on a dating site a year ago. But he never fancied her and they became good friends and remain good friends. They see each other a few times a week. He's spending Christmas and new year with her.
He's said she has said she wants it to be more with him but he doesn't with her.

Why is he spending Xmas and New Year with her, when he knows she wants more that he can't give? That's just leading her on isn't it. Just seems messy and full of drama and like he's collecting a bunch of friends with extras without committing to any of you.

He's said she has said she wants it to be more with him but he doesn't with her.

He's a player then

Think you need to just have it out with him and be clear if you do now want something more or you just accept it is what it is. You said you didn't want a relationship so has that now changed?
I do find it strange he's spending xmas and Ny with another women who wants more though. Even if he doesn't, he doesn't sound quite right, she's probably seeing it at more even if he isn't. Wouldn't be at all surprised it after a few drinks something happens one of both of those times

@Abcdefgh12345

Let me add. That he has a female friend he met on a dating site a year ago. But he never fancied her and they became good friends and remain good friends. They see each other a few times a week. He's spending Christmas and new year with her. He's said she has said she wants it to be more with him but he doesn't with her.

But again OP he's been honest with you about that. He's been honest throughout and it's up to you to make a decision about seeing him based on the information you have available. He isn't leading you on, he's told you exactly the state of play and you need to take ownership of your decision to continue seeing him or not according to that. He's said he doesn't want a relationship. You say he's doing things that imply different, but to me they are things friends do and he has said he wants friends with benefits. And even if he did huge romantic gestures, he has explicitly said he doesn't want a relationship and you know that - so if you do want one you should stop seeing him.

@Abcdefgh12345

Let me add. That he has a female friend he met on a dating site a year ago. But he never fancied her and they became good friends and remain good friends. They see each other a few times a week. He's spending Christmas and new year with her. He's said she has said she wants it to be more with him but he doesn't with her.

This bit makes me think he's setting you up that you do the 'pick me' dance I wonder how he would react if you casually mentioned that you had a male friend who wanted to be 'more than friends' with you 🤔

He's been honest with you so far from what you've said.

Are you getting feelings for him? Do you feel in a better place for a relationship now?
Because if you are, then it would be best to discuss it with him and if he doesn't want that, then it would be best to end things before you get heartbroken.

Maybe he's treating you this way because he wants you to see he can be a good boyfriend.

If you're happy with things as they are, then there's no issue.

If he wanted to be in a relationship with you he would be spending Christmas and New Year with you, not this other woman. He's probably shagging her but justifies it because he's told you he's not in a relationship with you. I think he's using you. Sorry to be blunt, but this sounds like it's messing with your head and it's not how the foundations of a relationship should be laid.

So he is a dick who is messing one girl around already. She isnt his friend, she is someone who fancies him. And he isnt her friend, he is someone messing with a girls feelings.

Also content to tell other ppl about how this lass likes him and he doesnt feel the same. Take herd, that'll be you he is talking about to some other girl somewhere not far from now.

@Wanderlusto

So he is a dick who is messing one girl around already. She isnt his friend, she is someone who fancies him. And he isnt her friend, he is someone messing with a girls feelings.

Also content to tell other ppl about how this lass likes him and he doesnt feel the same. Take herd, that'll be you he is talking about to some other girl somewhere not far from now.

But he has told OP that and she's continued to see him. There is a point where we need to take ownership of our actions rather than labelling someone as an arsehole (not saying you did this but others have) for being a serial shagger but being upfront and honest about it. That's how he wants to behave - it's his right to do so as long as he's honest and he has been. OP needs to use that information and act accordingly as per what is acceptable to her.

Its kind of like he’s indulging in the relationship bits that he enjoys but also forewarning you that, when he’s had enough, he’ll stop but he won’t look like a twat. I’d just enjoy it while you can. I don’t think he’d keep saying he doesn’t want a relationship if he took this seriously.

@Abcdefgh12345

Let me add. That he has a female friend he met on a dating site a year ago. But he never fancied her and they became good friends and remain good friends. They see each other a few times a week. He's spending Christmas and new year with her. He's said she has said she wants it to be more with him but he doesn't with her.

How much time does this man have on his hands? Is he scared to be alone or something!

He's seen you for the last 5 days, is spending Christmas with another woman he met on a dating site, and sees her several times a week!!

Thats ridiculous.

To me, the entire relationship sounds like what you wanted it to be: friends with benefits. If you now want more and he doesn't, it's time to move on.

@Abcdefgh12345

Let me add. That he has a female friend he met on a dating site a year ago. But he never fancied her and they became good friends and remain good friends. They see each other a few times a week. He's spending Christmas and new year with her. He's said she has said she wants it to be more with him but he doesn't with her.

Oh, pull the other leg, it's got bells on!

You do realise that he can say the words as often as he likes, but if his actions don't match those words, then you know he's being disingenuous and playing semantics.

For someone who says they don't fancy this other OLD woman, their actions say otherwise - spending Christmas and NY with her suggests they must enjoy each other's company, get on well and probably more besides....

Fine if you are prepared to be on his list of "friends", and take your turn in the queue, with all the terms and conditions that comes with that status, but you'll soon find it tedious trying sort out the truth from the lies.

I wasn't ready for a relationship after not long coming out of one and he felt the same. We agreed on friends with benefits

This is what you both agreed so I'm not sure about the pasting this man is getting here.

You are FWB yes he's being nice to you that may be his nature. Don't take that to mean he wants more. He's made you no promises. If it doesn't suit you, just move on. It's not as if either of you want or said you want a serious/exclusive relationship.

@DeeCeeCherry

I wasn't ready for a relationship after not long coming out of one and he felt the same. We agreed on friends with benefits

This is what you both agreed so I'm not sure about the pasting this man is getting here.

You are FWB yes he's being nice to you that may be his nature. Don't take that to mean he wants more. He's made you no promises. If it doesn't suit you, just move on. It's not as if either of you want or said you want a serious/exclusive relationship.

I thought the same and having a 'friend with benefits' doesn't mean either of you can never see somebody else if you want to, it just means you don't want commitment right now. You may want it in the future in which case you have to be up front about it.

If this man seeing another friend occasionally is bothering you, op, it seems you may want more from him than hitherto. Only you can work that one out.

If you are happy for it to go on as it is, and you are of course careful in all ways, just play it by ear. Otherwise get rid and find someone with the same aims as you.