Why do I keep dreaming about my first love?

[Whenallthelights]

What's going on? I went out with him in my early 20s for 5 years. We lived together, travelled together and he was my first love. But he was a selfish and self obsessed and in hindsight I had a lucky escape. I've been happy with my DH for 18 years, we have 2 great teens and a good life. So why do I keep yearning for the past? I've not seen my ex for many years. I know he's settled with someone quite a lot younger than me and they have one young DC. I was the one who ended the relationship and never looked back until recently. Just can't understand why.

I can’t answer this. But just to let you know I had similar. Went out with ex for a couple of years, split up, and then was married to exH for 25 years. Interestingly, since I’ve split up from my DH I haven’t thought about my ex at all and have no urge to contact or meet him. Maybe it was an easy way to have escapism from normal life?

Yearning for your youth maybe?

I had this when I was married, always thinking of an ex I really liked (I thought I loved) but I married a man I wasn't as passionate about and after years I think the boredom made me wonder what it would be like to be with him again.
I'm now divorced and could find a way to contact him if I wanted but don't have any desire to now so I put it down to not being satisfied in my relationship at the time.
Maybe it is a similar thing with you?

I dream about a significant ex every so often. He initiated the split and it was the right decision and I’m glad we’re not together. I wonder if it’s something to do with youth.

I am really happy with DH but the relationship is definitely much more steady and probably life is more boring just because we have DC's a mortgage, responsibilities etc now which I didn't when I was with my ex. That could well be what I'm yearning for, especially with the mundaneness of life at the moment with Corona. I think I miss the passion we had too but not the arguments/insecurity I felt when I was with the ex.

It's probably what he represents to you, rather than the man himself. Travelling, youth, intense highs and lows, new experiences.

You should probably invest in yourself a bit more and make sure you're doing nice things for yourself, not just the day to day drudgery.

I get into dream loops. A random ex will turn up in a dream and if I try and analyse why or worry about it, then they're more likely to turn up in my dreams again. The more they turn up, the more I worry about it, so the more they turn up........

You have to look at what is happening in your present life and relationship to work this one out.

You're not yearning for your ex. You're yearning for the young you and the life you had. All that travel sounds very exciting so it's hardly surprising.
Could you look at having some counselling to help you come to terms with getting older? Travel and excitement can't happen right now (COVID and children and mortgage) but look at saving up some money and making some plans with your husband for when the children are grown up and the mortgage is paid off? Xx

Peri-menopause. It can make your brain go off the rails.

I have this and I think it's the feelings I'm yearning. The fresh intensity of it all. And the youth.

I dream about my ex all the time, I can sympathise. But in my case, it's not yearning - he's always doing something bad or making me upset in my dreams! I think I have these recurring dreams as we have unfinished business, never found out why he left