DP and I have been friends for decades, partners for four years. About a year ago I found out that about 3 months into our relationship, he cheated several times - with an ex with whom he still works, and with randoms from Tinder. It devastated me - we were moving in together, talking marriage, he had a good bond with my kids by then. It was a betrayal not only of our relationship but also of the friendship.
He responded about as well as anyone can. He told me openly about everything that had happened - I found a message relating to one incident and he told me the rest. He said he had felt guilty almost from when it happened. We are going to couples counselling which is great. We did move in, are still thinking of marriage, DCs love him.
Perhaps it’s the break in counselling, perhaps the time of year (it was around this time it happened), perhaps the crapness of Tier 4 life but at the moment I feel really low about it all. I feel cheap and worthless, like a compromise choice. I feel angry and sad, and have bleak moments in the early hours when I struggle not to think about it. I wonder when lockdown ends how I will trust him, especially at work. I do love him and believe him when he says he has learned and would not want to cause such damage again; but I worry that temptation might come his way again. Almost worse, I wonder how I might feel if I had an opportunity to stray - it’s been something I would never consider in the past, and now I worry I might think why not?
Can I get through this? Is it worth pushing through - up until recently I felt we were making real progress and I was healing, but in the last few days I’ve been set right back. Am I just wallowing and need to get a grip? Please advise me, as robustly as you like - I need to move forward. Thank you!