Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship plus inheritance

9 replies

Moirasrose · 23/12/2020 14:37

My dh and I have an okay relationship. The pressure probably comes a lot from the fact that two of our children have Sen. Both have complex needs but the youngest has profound needs which will require care all his life. He’ll never independently be able to live. When our middle child was born we both decided it would be better if one of us stayed at home. My dh said it would be better that it was me. And in the long run it has been better as my husband has very little patience which when it runs out he can get angry.

I’m now working PT but a lot still falls to me. My dh does the food shop (he believes he can get better deals on food as he’s a finance professional so he prefers it as he can maximise our food shop). I still do all the caring, cleaning, washing and ironing. My dh will cook the occasional meal and handles the finance stuff. I’m not happy but I’m not unhappy. My dh attitude to money (he used to sweep any spare money into his isa) is an issue as is his anger. If a plan goes slightly off course he gets cross. Even if he says nothing you can feel the anger simmering slightly. He’s quite intense.

I’m likely to come into money from a relatives estate. It’s probably around 40k and I haven’t mentioned anything yet to my husband. We have the same amount of money in our savings but from working he obviously has a good pension. Having just got back to work, I have relatively no pension. Both our salaries go into the joint. The only thing that goes into my account is benefits for the kids. We’re working on our house which has come out of another of my early inheritance. I’ll also inherit again unless my parents go into care. The question is, my marriage is up and down. I have little in the way of savings and no pension. Would it be unreasonable to put my inheritance into savings?

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 23/12/2020 14:50

If you are quietly putting it into a long term savings account (and keeping it in lieu of a pension) I would personally not say anything at all, or when it comes in tell him it's a lot less, 2 thousand? which you are putting into YOUR isa, not his, not joint. Make sure there is no paperwork left around saying how much it is.
I do not think you are being unreasonable, especially when this line stood out to me
he used to sweep any spare money into his isa. HIS isa, not split between you both. Also be very careful if you do come into any other inheritence (you mention parents). He has already benefitted from your previous inheritence that you put into the house. You really do not sound happy. Would it be feasible to separate?

theverygrumpysanta · 23/12/2020 16:36

As the above post - he puts his money into his ISA. Where does your money go? Into a joint account he has unlimited access to. Even in a 'perfect marriage' this would be a massive red flag.

Inheritance is inheritance. It's yours to do with it as you will. It's your decision. However, if I were you I'd make sure he got his hands nowhere near that money. Too many people think their partners inheritance is something they're entitled to, it's not. Keep it to yourself. Save it for a rainy day and don't tell him how much you'll get. If it ends in tears (you seem very unhappy) you'll be glad you did this, and if you stay together he never needs to know.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 23/12/2020 16:38

Can you put it into accounts for the dc should you /they need outside care in the future? If heaven forbid you /he /both died their guardians would have specific cash available...

gottakeeponmovin · 23/12/2020 16:41

I'm not sure it makes any difference. You are married and your assetts will get split equally including his pension. If you gift it to your children that's different but if it's in your name it's part of the pot

HollowTalk · 23/12/2020 16:48

By the way, you don't need to be an economic genius to do the shopping. I'm sure you're equally capable of working out whether a pack of 4 or 6 tins of baked beans is better. It sounds like a really controlling thing for him to insist on doing.

Elieza · 23/12/2020 16:53

Does dh bring you much joy in your life? Do you really want to stay with him? You might be better on your own as he sounds like someone that you tear up as soon as he comes in the door while you assess what mood he’s in. Why are you with him?

SainsIsOrange · 23/12/2020 16:57

The phrase "divorce him and split the marital pot before the inheritance comes in" does come to mind but less drastically, if it's a big wodge, the relative might consider putting it into a trust. I recall my parents swiftly changing their wills in this way the week after BiL ran off with the OW!

Elieza · 23/12/2020 18:31

I meant to say ‘tense up’ in my post but it autocorrected.

Agree that if you want to separate in the future do it before you get the money or he’ll get half.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/12/2020 18:40

Inheritance doesn't always count as a matrimonial asset to be split on divorce. See
www.divorce.co.uk/your-finances/inheritance

Given his attitude I would absolutely stick this away in a secret account. Mind you, given his attitude id be planning for divorce already...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread