Stonewalling after an argument

[soopedup]

How do you resolve conflict in a long term marriage?

My husband refuses to listen or discuss any issues or grievances. He just ignores and retreats. I’ve taken to emailing him which then still gets ignored. I’m left adrift. I’m having weekly counselling myself to work out how to handle this. I was upset yesterday after he acted like an arse towards me in front of our kids. There’s no way to express or get any resolution to that situation though. How do you tell somebody what they’ve done or said has hurt your feelings if there’s no expression of remorse or conversation about it. Does he just get to say or do what he wants? I don’t understand this behaviour. Can anyone help me please?

[quote LiveDayByDay]@newwayofthinking i am the same. I tried to stop arguements escalating by leaving a gap between the event but get accused of stonewalling. Its really difficult to talk when in a heightened sense of upset and often things i say are taken completely out of context so i avoid saying things. Then when things have calmed down i try to talk but often she is too tired, its too late or she has a headache. I think she thinks she is the only one struggling yet in the past i have been so desperate i have asked both her parents for help and friends. She thinks i don't love her as i haven't proposed yet the real reason is i just didn't think i could take pressure of a wedding and was concerned she couldnt either. Now she thinks i am pushing her away when it isn't true.[/quote]
I think you need to start your own thread, and we can talk there

This all sounds familiar. Ex was like this - every disagreement or argument was my fault, and my point of view was dismissed. On several occasions following an argument he would leave and go to his parents' for a few days, then come back and give me the silent treatment for a bit, then suddenly start acting as though nothing had happened and expect me to do the same. Never took responsibility or apologised for anything and I was always the one who tried to smooth things over.

Each time he did that it made me feel less and less like he cared about me, the relationship or whether we sorted things out or not, and eventually I started feeling if he didn't care why should I, and something just died. Lost respect for him, and once that happens there's no way back. Realised years later that what really killed the relationship for me was the fact he was well aware that that behaviour really upset me, and he did it anyway. Eventually it was something I did that put the final nail in the coffin of the marriage, which happened partly because I was so unhappy, which gave him the excuse to blame me entirely, without ever really taking responsibility for the part his behaviour played.

Sorry OP but I doubt if he will change, this behaviour is destructive to a relationship and you can't fix it on your own . I'd start preparing to end things. Good luck