Getting ducks in a row

[Rainbowdash73]

Long time lurker, first time poster, read some brilliant advice on here and need help. Married 8 yrs, together 11, 7 yr old DC. Come to the sad realisation that my DH has been emotionally abusive almost from year 1 although of course it followed the classic script of love bombing, putting me on a pedestal which I didnt live up to, then the possessiveness, jealousy and nastiness started. After reading some Lundy Bancroft, the scales have lifted and I need out.

My big worry is keeping the house.. I love this house and especially the garden which I have poured my heart and soul into. We bought together 5 yrs ago, 120k left on mortgage but now worth prob 220k. I work 24 hrs a week and take home £1200 a month ish but sometimes more with overtime. Mortgage and bill's come to £900 which doesn't leave much but I assume I will be entitled to some benefits?
DH has recently started his own business which is doing ok but not really established yet and i genuinely wish him well and dont want to jeopardize it.
I have about 5k in savings but car is worth 5k which he needs whereas I can work from home. Neither has much of a pension.
My question is, is it reasonable for me to keep the house, he keeps his business and the car and he just stops paying his share of the mortgage? Would I have to buy him out at some point?
Thoughts and advice would be hugely appreciated.

Anyone?

Have you looked at the Entitled to calculator?

Just make sure you sort out the mortgage and equity as soon as possible. The last thing you need is for house prices to rise and for him to have a bigger cut.

I hope everything goes well for you

Go see a solicitor. Get proper advice

If you want to offset the house against the business then that Depends on how he has set up his business and what it is valued at( less, equal, or more than the equity in the house) , or is he self employed ?
You need a solicitor to advise here
You also need to see a broker to see if you are able to take on the mortgage, and at potentially a larger amount if you have to buy him out.

OP, do you mean you keep the house, he moves out but gets the car and his own business he has recently started?

You definitely need to get legal advice but I would think this is massively unfair without buying him out of the property.

I agree with others, you will need legal advice.

However ethically, I'm not sure what you're proposing is really fair. Assuming you own 50/50 of the house then you each have £50k equity. You'll need to buy him out so will need to be able to pay a £170k mortgage on your own. Possible get a female lodger. Offering a £5k car and he can keep his job isn't really a fair trade given you still have your job.

It depends what he thinks of it. Maybe he'll be happy for you to stay there for 1yr and in that time you can come up with a plan.

Or maybe he'll agree to cover half the mortgage on the basis that you split equity 50/50 later down the line (house prices will likely go up in that time so you'll keep the percentage you own and stay there but he'll be entitled to more than £50k.

Either way, this really needs a solicitors input. Good luck x

Thank you, food for thought. I agree its probably unfair on him and of course we need to discuss the way forward. I dont think I can afford a bigger mortgage but may get help from parents to buy him out. Really dont want a lodger but may have to consider it.
So much to think about and I dont really know where to start.
I just dont want my DC to suffer but ultimately living in a house with miserable parents will surely be more damaging.

Can anyone clarify how it works If say he agrees that I stay in the house for the sake of DC but he stops paying the mortgage. Then in 10 years, we sell the house, is he still entitled to half even though hes not paid the mortgage for 10 years?

Why don’t people want to get proper legal advice?! And just ignore posters suggesting this might be a good idea. Just one meeting with a good solicitor would be enough. Might cost you a few hundred. But Could save posters so much stress and money and bad decision making. You can’t really get your “ducks in a row” if you don’t know whether you stand legally. That includes finance and custody issues.

Sorry probably sounded a bit harsh if you are going through it emotionally, but there really is no substitute for 1:1 legal advice where money, property (and possibly custody) are going to be issues. Otherwise there is the danger one person can be living in a fools paradise. It’s also good to get things on a clear footing, as less chance for either party to end up in a bad position either in the present or further down the line.

Because I'm sure others have been in similar situations and may be able to offer advice/support. Of course I will be getting proper financial advice but interested in others experiences, that's all.

@Rainbowdash73
Yes he would be entitled to half the value in 10 years despite not paying anything to the mortgage UNLESS you have a formal agreement for sonething different.

Yes he would be entitled to half the value in 10 years despite not paying anything to the mortgage

This

Surely you can't believe that 'allowing' him to stop paying the mortgage but leaving him on the mortgage account/deeds means the house is yours?

If you do believe this you need some serious legal advice (as others are suggesting)

Everything is split 50-50 as a base.

Work from there

There are alternatives to buying him out such as agreeing to sell and split proceeds when the children leave home but think very carefully about how much you want your lives and finances you want to be enmeshed with his for years to come.

As much as you love the house it is worth considering selling to break free.

Is he likely to be an areshole over child maintenance? If he's self employed it makes the amount he has to pay harder to calculate and collect.

I'm not suggesting he can just stop paying the mortgage and then the house is mine. I'm suggesting that if the house is valued now and there is 100k equity, that effectively means I owe him 50k. Whereas if the house is valued in 10 years and it's gone up in value, will he still be entitled to half even if hes not paid the mortgage for 10 years? I will still owe him 50k but by then, I may be in a position to pay him.
Does that make any sense?

I appreciate this will all have to be legally binding and I do want it to be fair to us both.

Much as he has caused me huge emotional distress, he is not a bad man, just very messed up and I cant live like this any more and let my DC think it's normal.

As far as child maintenance goes, I do think he will be ok as he adores DC and is generally a good father.

I am going to find a solicitor in the new year, just trying to get my head around what might be possible and fair to us both.

Thank you to you all, it helps just to know someone is listening.

I have bottled up my feelings for so long and still cant quite believe this is happening..

I think that's having you cake and eating it. If you left him on the mortgage for 10 years for your own benefit where is he going to live? Will be be able to get himself a mortgage on a new place if he's still on yours for example? There is a reason that clean breaks are preferred, longer deals will mean you're financially tied to each other even if you move on and have new partners

If you agree a mesher the % will be agreed. So eg he might retain a 40% share which when house is sold he gets 40% share of equity At that time ( not not just the value if 40% today )

If he leaves the house then he is entitled to receive a market rent from you for his share. It could be a mutual agreement that you pay the whole mortgage in lieu of paying him rent, but you can't have the benefits of living in the house, and gain from his share of the increased equity too. The house is an investment for you both as much as it is a home, an he will be entitled to his share.

Ok, I understand a bit more now, thank you. Maybe I was clutching at straws. 😏

Need a way of buying him out then. Will speak to mortgage co about options.

Property prices are high in my area so I doubt I'd be able to afford to buy again even with a 50k deposit.