Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need advice

19 replies

Hunter321 · 22/12/2020 21:25

Hello I have 4 children and got divorced 7 years ago after 36 years. I met a man I am passionate about but have had a few problems with. He has 3 children who are now 24 and 27 with his second wife and spends every xmas with them not me even though we've been together for 5 1/2 years . My children who are in their twenties think that is wrong . He gets really angry if I mention it.He also goes xmas shopping as a group with them all and she invites him to dinner in her birthday but not me. Until we split up recently on my account his children came to stay with us in my house a kit and I am always very nice to them . Advice please.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hunter321 · 22/12/2020 21:26

As above

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 22/12/2020 21:37

Sorry no advice but I would not like this one bit especially as they are all adults he should want you there. If they were little I would understand but this is really selfish do you live together?

Everyonetakeiteasy · 23/12/2020 00:40

This sounds a little sad to me..has it always been like this? Sorry I couldn't understand from your post if you split up or not. Is he always angry about things when you try to talk to him?
I'm sorry you've been upset... 🌸

Lozzerbmc · 23/12/2020 08:22

This is so wrong he should want to spend Christmas with you! Im sorry he is not thinking of you much at all Flowers

AlwaysCheddar · 23/12/2020 08:25

He’s just not into you that much. Cut your losses and end it.

Original poster
Hunter321 · 27/12/2020 16:18

Thank you everybody. We have lived together for 4 years but he has said he can never spend xmas with me as he has only a few christmases left and he wants to spend them with his children. This year he was there and spent the night . I was ill and so got very upset hat he didn't ring me to see how I was or to tell me he was staying with her. They also go xmas shopping together with the children. If I say I am not happy about it he gets very angry and says how could I expect his children to leave their mother to spend xmas with him. I feel as though I am going slightly mad as the rest of the time when he is with me he is very tender and affectionate and loving. He does however keep in contact with all his exes who he meets secretly as I have discovered. My adult children hate him and think I have lost the plot and should leave.

OP posts:
Notjustabrunette · 27/12/2020 16:27

Good grief, what a strange set up he has? It is standard that when a couple gets divorced and meet new partners they no longer spend Christmas with their ex. His children are adults and will surely understand this. Most people I know with divorced parents alternate between the two at Christmas. You are not being unreasonable.

Dery · 27/12/2020 16:32

“He does however keep in contact with all his exes who he meets secretly as I have discovered. My adult children hate him and think I have lost the plot and should leave.”

His set up does sound strange. I would listen to your adult children.

Original poster
Hunter321 · 27/12/2020 16:36

Yes every other year would be fine. I have suggested both our families joining in together. I invite my ex husband and his new girlfriend, they don't come but the offer is there. For him there is only one thing he wants to do and that is to be in his "real family " unit even though he tells me I am the love of his life etc.He then says what do you expect me to do, I have only a few Christmases left and I want to spend it with my children and why on earth would they want to spend it with you ?
I used to be a normal strong person but feel I have lost the lot completely .

OP posts:
Somethingkindaoooo · 27/12/2020 16:45

Why does he only have a few christmases left?

It really really doesn't matter what he says ( you're the love of his life etc) - it is what he DOES....

Original poster
Hunter321 · 27/12/2020 16:46

because he is 70

OP posts:
AliceMcK · 27/12/2020 16:58

Great that he is able to maintain relationships with his ex’s but you are his partner now not them.

Yes he can expect his adult children to leave their mother Xmas day, millions of adult children do.

Going Xmas shopping with the ex 🤨 dose she have a partner?

I agree with your children, he sounds like he has zero respect for you. If your happy with the situation stay if not leave.

Original poster
Hunter321 · 27/12/2020 17:03

no she has never had a new partner; she left him and is very ambitious professionally. She does not invite me to anything. The children are all treated like babies with the 27 year old daughter being spoon fed ( literally ) by her father which makes me feel very uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Dawninglory · 27/12/2020 17:25

Get rid, such an unbalanced set up. You are definitely not the love of his life if he treats you like this.

Original poster
Hunter321 · 27/12/2020 17:41

Thank you. It is very helpful to see things as others see them as when you are in the middle of a situation you cant see the most obvious things.

OP posts:
Crystalvas · 27/12/2020 18:01

How can you stay in a relationship like this. If you were a priority in his life he’d want to spend xmas with you. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. His absence at xmas clearly shows his ex is a priority not you. His kids are adults they should be mature enough to understand. Listen to your kids. As for no contact when you were sick thats disgraceful. My OH is great when im ill he sticks around and looks after my DC’s and spend celebrations like xmas, birthdays with me and so on. Please rethink your relationship you deserve better.

Somethingkindaoooo · 27/12/2020 18:06

He only has a few christmases left? Because he is 70?

But he doesn't want to spend them with you, the love of his life?

Original poster
Hunter321 · 27/12/2020 18:46

No he doesn't

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 29/12/2020 07:53

He doesn’t give a shit about you. So end the relationship and stop being delusional.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page