Is my boyfriend insecure?

[Killerphoto]

Ive been with my boyfriend around a year, both middle aged divorced, dont live together. Recently he has started acting differently, this follows a brief period where we split up (my decision to split, then my decision/both decided to try again).

He keeps talking about his ex wife, how she regrets losing him, how she thinks he is a great dad, she's asked to spend Xmas day with him and kids etc. They are 5 years divorced.

When I'm at his house he says to do something then criticises me for it when I do it. For example he said help yourself to toast for breakfast, then after I got some he said 'oh youre helping yourself to toast are you?' or he said to leave some things at his place (eg toothbrush) then later said 'oh you just treat it like your home and leave your stuff in my cupboard' with a weird tone. When I say 'well you told me to' he says 'I'm joking'

I'm wondering if his change in behaviour is insecurity? He didn't used to be like this at all.

Sounds like the beginnings of an EA bloke to me

Get rid. It's not insecurity, I think that the name for this behaviour is negging. He sounds like an unpleasant person.

Oh god, I couldn't be doing with that for five minutes.

Regarding the toast, I'd tell him to make an appointment with his GP, given his short term memory is so poor. As for Christmas - he'd be welcome to spend it (and the rest of his life) with his ex. I reckon she never said anything of the sort, though, and would cry if he tried to get back with her.

Oh yes, I'm sure his ex-wife misses him terribly.

What an absolute knob. End it and this time don't take him back. Raise your standards.

He sounds like a spoilt brat who is trying to make you feel undervalued and jealous. If his ex wife thinks he is so wondeful why did they get divorced and why does he need to tell you that sort of stuff. I would leave him to it and let him play his silly games with someone else.

Oh yes, I'm sure his ex-wife misses him terribly.

There'll be a thread by his ex on Relationships with the title "My fuckwit ex thinks I still like him."

Oh yes, I'm sure his ex-wife misses him terribly

Well, quite

Sounds like he was making a joke but is failing miserably at them.

I doubt his ex wife made any such comment. And even if she did. Their was absolutely no point in telling you about it. A general run down of how conversations go I get but focusing on that... he's doing that to make you think he must be a catch as someone else wants him back. Watch out. And nip stuff in the bud.

He sounds like a douche. we can all be douche's sometimes.

I don't think he feels comfortable with you in his home, I wouldn't feel very welcome with those sorts of comments. Prehaps treat it more casual, laugh when he says his ex regrets losing him and act like you don't care, he is trying to make you feel insecure, don't allow it.
Could you suggest he comes round yours? As it's more convenient to already have your stuff there.

Sounds to me like he wants out but wants you do do the dumping, so he looks like the injured party. Poor didums.

I think his wife is pleased to be rid of him... Did she initiate the divorce? If he says HE did, I would not be inclined to believe him...

I wonder if the circumstances of the split and rekindled relationship are relevant. If someone left me, then decided to get back together with me I can imagine feeling quite insecure and potentially withdrawing from the relationship unconsciously trying to protect myself for the next time they decide to dump me.

Oh god, sounds like my idiot ex. Everything he said to me had a weird negative undertone. Eventually it escalated so I felt I couldn’t do or say anything around him, as it was received so badly. Watch out OP!

That would make me feel really uncomfortable.

@Jobsharenightmare the split was driven by us having practical difficulties with progressing the relationship, neither of us has a big enough home to move in with the other in future and due to kids schools neither wants to move far.

Since getting back together we have addressed this and come up with a solution for the future but I can understand him being cautious after I broke up with him previously.

I should add that he is nice most of the time, just this odd behaviour which he didn't show in the past.

You’ve only been together a year- that’s not long. You’re starting to see the real him.

@notacoolmum that's true. He said he left his ex wife, not the other way round. He said she had become very possessive and paranoid he was having affairs, especially as he maintained contact with his past girlfriends whilst with her. Judging by his recent behaviour, he may well have fuelled her jealousy though if he talked about exs whilst married to his ex wife life he does to me (ie they think he is wonderful etc).

Think he may be getting cold feet, sorry.

He is trying to triangulate you to keep you on the back foot and in jealous mode. He wants you to do the pick me dance. Be very careful how you progress this relationship. Whatever you do do not move in with him yet. Watch and see what he does, listen to how he talks about his ex and see if it is a way to try and lower your self esteem. I am sure his ex is pleased to be away from all this drama.