How does your DH show his interest in who you are as a person?

[Rosemary26]

I’ve made a few posts now, and I feel it’s helping me to put things into perspective. Thank you to everyone who’s been sharing your opinions with me. You are wonderful people.

My partner has proven to be abusive and toxic toward me. It’s had me doubting my own gut instincts, my own intuition, my own needs. I’m finally processing what’s happening.

It’s hit me like a ton of bricks today, but I’ve realized that, in general, he has no interest in what I like. Whenever we watch TV or anything on the computer it’s almost always something of his choosing. That’s not normal, is it? If I mention a show that I like or that I used to enjoy watching he makes fun of it. For example, I happened to mention yesterday that I love the old show The Golden Girls. It was one of my favorites to watch when I was a kid. I wasn’t expecting him to watch it or anything, but he rolled his eyes when I brought it up. That’s pretty much how it always goes. If we’re listening to music together I have to be super careful about what I choose to play so that I won’t have to listen to his criticisms.

I’m really into poetry, and I used to write it myself, until he slowly convinced me to just give it up. We never even discuss my interests, really. When we first got together it wasn’t this way. He actually made it seem like he liked the same things.

I listen to what he’s into, I give it all a try, because I’m interested in what matters to him. Now I’ve realized that I’m the only one. I’ve stopped trying to express myself, to enjoy what I like while in his company.

Meanwhile, he’ll tell me that he loves me. That we’re a partnership. That I’m overreacting about this or that. It’s like I’m not even my own person anymore, more like I’m an extension of him. Has anyone else experienced this?

He convinced you to give up poetry, what you loved. Start writing it again have a look at the new spoken word poets on YouTube they do great modern stuff with language even if you have to sit with headphones in whilst he watches Scrapheap Challenge or whatever. Sounds like you could have some great new material, "being in lockdown with you, never doing what I want to do........."

I have totally different tastes to OH he either joins in (and grows as a person) or finds his own stuff to do and visa versa but there is no way he would even think to try and stop me doing what I like to do.

how are you OP?

how are things now?

OP that's terrible and I'm so sorry you're going through this as my exH was just like that (even down to stopping me writing or listening to the music I liked after pretending we had so much in common). It's a vile way to behave and even if someone doesn't like all the same stuff as you, you should expect them to show some respect and if they're someone you're close to, to have paid attention to notice what you like.