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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you ask him or not?

11 replies

BeforeChristmas · 21/12/2020 15:41

Via a casual conversation with an acquaintance, I've just found out something that is not making much sense to me at the moment and DH is probably the only person I can ask about it, but I'm scared to just before Christmas.
Basically, this person said to me that they saw DH at a layby getting in the passenger seat of my car as they drove past during a time he was ill and they had assumed I'd had to stop temporarily for him to get out because he was ill.
The time when this happened (pre Covid) DH was ill and was going daily for treatment. But I never stopped with him at a layby. To begin with, I would drive him in, then as treatment progressed, he was insistent he would catch the bus now and again so that I didn't lose an hour of my time every day. Plus he said at the time he actually enjoyed getting the bus sometimes. At the time, although I didn't think it was a good idea him catching the bus, I just thought he was being nice and he seemed happy so I left him to his decision.
He was definitely getting on the bus, but from what I've now been told, it would appear that he then got off the bus at the bus stop in a nearby layby, to then get into a car.
He was definitely going to hospital, I know for a fact.
I don't know whose car he would have been getting into, nor why, nor why he wouldn't mention it. The person who mentioned it to me has no reason to lie, it seemed a genuine thing to come out in conversation. I blagged it by saying that I used to drive him in, yes and he's better now, and skimmed over any reasons why we may have stopped.
It's just bizarre. Would you ask him?

OP posts:
LaMainDeFatima · 21/12/2020 15:44

Sounds like a misunderstanding .
The person said he was getting into your car not someone else's ?

BeforeChristmas · 21/12/2020 15:49

Yes they said they saw us as they drove past but TBH I think it's unlikely this person knows what car I drive. They saw him getting into the car so the vibe I got from them is that they just automatically assumed it was me at the wheel.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 21/12/2020 15:54

Are they 100% sure it was him? If they were driving past they will have had a few seconds to id and if they weren't certain it was your car, could all be worry for nothing....

LaMainDeFatima · 21/12/2020 15:57

Do you have any other suspicions about him ? If you don't, I'd leave it alone.

BeforeChristmas · 21/12/2020 16:02

It sounded like they were 100% sure. It was a straightforward conversation along the lines of them asking if he was alright now, me saying yes, but that he'd been quite bad, and them saying something like 'yeah, I saw one morning that you'd had to stop at [name of layby]' and then saying they were glad he's ok.
In other words, it didn't seem there was any question in their mind that it wasn't him (or wasn't me).
I feel like I've entered some parallel universe.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/12/2020 16:12

It sounded like they were 100% sure.

I had a co-worker come to me on a Monday, asking why I had ignored him when we ran into each other at a shop on Saturday. I was not in that shop, I was actually 200 miles away, yet he was adamant it was me. 100% positive. He said he was only a few yards away from "me."

It was 100% not me, and I proved it to him by a pic I had of me and my family on my phone from where we were visiting.

Your friend, no matter how sure they are, may very well have mistaken someone else for your husband, especially if he were driving by in a car.

Maria1990 · 21/12/2020 16:32

I'd just say: "I saw X and we were chatting. They were sure they saw you (high level details of him at lay-by) how weird is that?" I'm sure he'll be just as confused as you and you can put it all to rest! Plus if the person really is mistaken and repeats the story to your DH at least it doesn't seem like you hid it from him or anything 😅 it probably is, like other posters have said, a case of mistaken identity.

DianaT1969 · 21/12/2020 17:02

Does he have any family members who would want to go to the hospital with him?

Diddlysquatty · 21/12/2020 17:31

Was the location of the lay-by on the bus route near a bus stop?

Diddlysquatty · 21/12/2020 17:32

Mistaken identity was my first thought

Amotherlife · 21/12/2020 17:53

Do you actually know this person supposedly saw your DH on a day when he would have been going to hospital? How likely is it that they remember the date? Did he go every day?

You could mention it in a light hearted 'how strange' way. But it isn't of interest unless you believe he really was up to something (assume you are thinking OW?) And if he was, presumably he'll deny it or tell you a friend passed by and gave him a lift (which could be true?). So I doubt you'll be any the wiser.

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